Bastard Hot
A term used to describe when an object reaches a temperature in excess of what would normally be considered 'hot'.
Mr. Spanners addressed the classroom. "Listen up, students, this is an important physics lesson. A cup of tea is hot. An oven is really hot. The lava currently melting through the roof is bastard hot."
"Don't touch! It's bastard hot!”, Jeff the blacksmith shouted across the workshop as Alice stared hypnotically at the glowing orange lump of metal, fresh from the brazing hearth. These warnings fell on deaf ears, as Alice's poor judgement and dull intellect instructed her to pick up the metal piece, promptly rewarding her for this action with second-degree burns.
"But, Dr. McVillainous, the lair's tar pits only need to be hot enough to dispose of pesky superheroes and former employees. Raising the temperature to bastard hot will not provide any advantage and will only raise our fuel bills....", the nervous advisor quivered as he delivered his report.
Dr. McVillainous raised his hand and slapped his subordinate hard across the face. "I want to strike fear into the hearts of men! Nothing short of bastard hot will do!"
"Don't touch! It's bastard hot!”, Jeff the blacksmith shouted across the workshop as Alice stared hypnotically at the glowing orange lump of metal, fresh from the brazing hearth. These warnings fell on deaf ears, as Alice's poor judgement and dull intellect instructed her to pick up the metal piece, promptly rewarding her for this action with second-degree burns.
"But, Dr. McVillainous, the lair's tar pits only need to be hot enough to dispose of pesky superheroes and former employees. Raising the temperature to bastard hot will not provide any advantage and will only raise our fuel bills....", the nervous advisor quivered as he delivered his report.
Dr. McVillainous raised his hand and slapped his subordinate hard across the face. "I want to strike fear into the hearts of men! Nothing short of bastard hot will do!"
Bastard Hot by JankZappa January 22, 2022
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