The primary cause of snoring in men.
When a man lies on his back to
sleep, his balls drop over his arsehole, blocking the main south vent and causing vapour lock. The resultant build-up of burps, farts,
heavy exhalation fractions, digestive fumes, beer
gas, and weed smoke, then has to be vented to atmosphere by alternative means, which requires his gut gremlins to re-route the gases being expelled back through the primary inhalation channel.
Fortunately this is possible because the exhaust gases, being warmer than the incoming
air, rise to the upper half of the esophaegus, and the two vapour streams are able to pass each other going opposite directions in the same pipe.
The actual sound of snoring is comprised of millions of tiny
gas molecule voices shouting at each other on the way past. The incoming ones are shouting "Oo, poo, you stink," or variations thereof, and the outgoing ones are calling back "
fuck you Pinky, you
don'
t know shit and you're gonna get fisted."
Snoring can be avoided completely by the judicious use of a suitable testicle rest which keeps the butthole uncovered and open. Naturally however this means that a man employing such a device tends to fart more in his
sleep.
Women don't
like us snoring, but they whinge and moan about the alternative as well. This is because they are essentially moaning
bitches with penis envy and were born unhappy, but we still love them.
First woman: "My man is such a pig, whenever he lies on his back to
sleep he snores
like a walrus chewing a mouthful of wasps."
2nd woman: "He's got vapour lock, silly. I bet he has really big balls."
1st: (blushes) "well, yes, and he can fart
like a Trojan too, but only when he's standing up."
2nd: "I wish I had a penis."
1st: "Me too."
(they both sigh)