The Orphan is an expert form of masturbation developed at the dormitory of Shasta College. It is rumored to be practiced by Tom Cruise and Lady Gaga.

It is an evolved form of the move "The Stranger" in which the arm stays underneath during the entirety of your performance.

Steps for performing The Orphan:
First, find a comfortable chair.
Second, reach your hand underneath your rear end until it becomes numb and you lose feeling, while still retaining motion,
Third, grab your penis between your legs.
Fourth, move your hand back and forth while continuing to squeeze firmly.
Fifth, do not remove your hand at any point in time.

I couldn’t care less (but one must keep up appearances, right?)

A movie that will no doubt tank in the box office, this movie will suck so bad it will be released on VHS rather than DVD.