Stinginitis (/ˌstin-jə-ˈnī-tīs/)
Noun
1. A
chronic, untreatable psychological/behavioral condition defined by extreme stinginess despite having an abundance of resources (food, money, supplies, etc.).
2. An irrational, fearful refusal to share what one owns, driven by a self-created illusion of scarcity.
Stinginitis sufferers become anxious, possessive, and visibly annoyed when asked to share, viewing generosity as a personal attack. This condition commonly flares up around food, money,
alcohol, and personal possessions.
Not to be confused with Greed: Greed is an active
desire to acquire more than needed. Stinginess is a passive, fearful refusal to let
go of what is already owned. Greed is driven by hunger; stinginess, by
fear. A person can be both.
Key Signs: Hoarding supplies, rationing food, intently monitoring consumption of shared items, expressing visible annoyance when others take a second helping, sending payment requests for minuscule amounts, and aggressively defending personal items
even when they are abundant.
Severity Scale:
Stage 1 (Mild): Shares, but follows up with complaints, sighs, or guilt-trips.
Stage 2 (
Moderate): Implements strict
rules, portions, and conditions for sharing.
Stage 3 (Severe / Terminal): Treats sharing as a hostile attack, aggressively enforcing ownership despite extreme abundance.
Note: Stinginitis is non-contagious and has no known cure. Trying to reason with a patient during a
flare-up is ineffective.
“He sent me a payment request for $1.12 after I used ‘his’ ketchup.
Chronic Stinginitis.”
“She said ‘help yourself,’ then stood behind me supervising like I was on probation.”
“He brought a full box of donuts to
work and then started counting them out loud. Someone diagnose this
man with Stinginitis immediately.”
• “You have 24 rolls of toilet paper and....you’re hiding them? Please seek
help for your Stinginitis.”
• “Bitch said I could borrow her sweater, then asked for it back before I even left the house. Severe flare-up of Stinginitis.”
