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There's a reason people don't want to serve 

So we have to kick out the people who DO want to serve because they are trans or because they don't want to be discriminated against on the basis of immutable qualities.
Hym "There's a reason people don't want to serve and the reason is that your rights are meaningless and they have no bearing on your quality of life because if it is politically inconvenience or upholding those rights would subvert the orthodoxy those rights are not going to be acknowledged. Therefore, to join the military would be to kill and die for rights that you don't actually have so that your wife can get piped by a fat cock while you're on tour and then you can come home and be a hobo. That's the reason."

Serge's Finger Sniff Test (SFST) 

Craftily inserting a finger into a lady's vagina and sniffing it to see if the odour is acceptable for further exploration
I did the Serge's Finger Sniff Test (SFST) on her and it was ok so I went for it

soft-serve shits 

fecal excrement that has the appearance and texture of soft-serve ice cream. The use of this term usually denotes that the subject ate a large portion of ice cream previously which precipitated the soft-serve shit. Also known as "ice cream shit". The phenomenon of soft-serve shit almost always results in a much greater amount of toilet paper used to wipe clean the anus of the soft-serve shitter.
Dude: "Man, I just got done wiping my ass for, like, 10 minutes!"

Friend: "Why? You got diarrhea, dog?"

Dude: "Worse...I got the soft-serve shits!"

Friend: "Sucks to be you!"
soft-serve shits by introspectacle January 13, 2011

soft serve swirl 

A sexual act whereby one man expells his payload into the the behind of another man who has a poop "on deck." The man with the goodies in his rectum squats over the other man, who in turn pulls on this man's erect penis, mimicking the lever of a soft serve ice cream machine. The feces/semen mixture is released, just like a chocolate/vanilla soft serve ice cream! The act is concluded when both men yell, "Soft serve swirl, coming right up!"
"Wow, that sure was a nice soft serve swirl, Steve."

Server's Ace 

When you take a crap and are so confident that there is no mess, you pull your pants up and flush without wiping
Scott was in and out of the washroom in 30 seconds flat after pulling off a server's ace
Server's Ace by chipotledave March 15, 2009

self serve smoothie 

When you masturbate into a cup, and then drink it.

Or, for more exotic tastes, when you poop into a cup and eat it.
Damn, the ice cream machine at Jason's Deli is broken. Good thing I can make a self serve smoothie
self serve smoothie by CG Poopsmith December 11, 2011