Ruler ref 

The guy who tells both contestants how small their dicks are in comparison to the portion of the male population who doesn't participate in the dick measuring contest, but not until after the contest is over and measurements have been recounted to the micrometer.

Guy 1-The ruler ref doesn't know who won, he says we both have a small dick in comparison to most males. That's not gonna stop me from finding out who won by the next recount.
Guy 2- You know me, I'm gonna do this anyway I gotta know.
Guy 1- I gotta know myself.

Ruler ref by Solid Mantis June 16, 2018

Ruler ref 

Doesn't know what to say when a measurement turns out to be too close to call.

Ruler ref-Well, I didn't think this would ever happen, but your dicks look the same size. I might not be reading accurately, but they're really close. I didn't think I would ever get readings this close, then again I didn't think I'd ever referee a dick measuring contest, and here I am doing that.

Ruler ref by Solid Mantis June 16, 2018