A person who is paid to professionally scream at a computer.
Programmer: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-oh, it works."
by MidnightWasTwoHoursAgo June 18, 2018
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People who scream pathetically at a computer all day long for their own mistakes and still somehow gets paid.
Someone: Are you a Programmer?
Me: Yes.
Someone: Prove it then.
Me: CTRL + C, CTRL + V.
by flip_master_harambe May 09, 2021
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pro·gram·mer (n) An organism capable of converting caffeine into code.
Programmer A "You started on that program yet? When's it due anyway?"

Programmer B "Nah, not yet, and its due tomorrow morning at eight!"

Programmer A "Damn, you gonna get it done in time?"

Programmer B "Yeah, I've got a bottle of Stacker II's and a pot of coffee, I should be fine."
by its_allgood December 08, 2005
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A programmer is a human, rock, or any other object capable of turning pizza and caffeine into code. Programmers minds are very complex - they like to explain things in ways that a normal human would not understand, and makes jokes that only programmers would laugh at.
Programmer 1: You create a gun module, a gun class, a foot module and a foot class. After realising you can't point the gun at the foot, you pass a reference to the gun to a foot object. After the foot is blown up, the gun object remains alive for eternity, ready to shoot all future feet that may happen to appear.

Programmer 2: BWAHAHAHAHAAHHA

Programmer 1: I even have one about Java!
You find that Microsoft and Sun have released imcompatible class libraries both implementing Gun objects. You then find that although there are plenty of feet objects implemented in the past in many other languages, you cannot get access to one. But seeing as Java is so cool, you dont care and go around shooting anything else you can find.
by Quojil February 18, 2014
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A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
Finance Director: "Hey programmer guy. When is the stock predicted to change?"

Programmer: "01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111"
by Gromitted August 11, 2011
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An individual skilled at writing software code.

Neo-programmers are unlike computer nerds of the past. These new programmers are numerous, travel in groups, and can be easily identified by scruffy hair accompanied with a goatee. Most enjoy arguing with you about the minutia of life. Eating habits are poor, which generally leads to moderate or severe potbelly.

Programmers also enjoy other activities, including online poker, Halo 3, Call of Duty, Gears of War, and playing guitar.

They can sometimes be abrasive due to poor underlying social skills. For example, every joke a programmer tells is specifically designed to make sense only to other programmers. This makes attracting females difficult, which can easily be fixed by meeting women through an online service.

Non-programmer: What's the difference between Python and C++?

Programmer: Don't talk to me you fuckin' nub.
by Godlesscommie February 13, 2009
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(A) Programmer is a species that can make apps for you to use. There are two main types of programmers:

1. The <Cliché Programmer> - can be spotted wearing a conference t-shirt and the pale skin. The main skin of nutrition is a black carbonated liquid which is devoured in a large cuantity;

2. The <Hipster Programmer> - this species only consumes warm liquids based on expensive spices and beans. His only tool is a so called <Macintosh>. The <Hipster Programmer> will often refuse to work with tasks such as <SQL Databases> or <Java>. This specimen also makes use of the trackpad attached to his portable <Macintosh>;

For many individuals (programmers) is considered prestigious to not utilise the <Mouse> unit at all.
"I would like to be a Cliché Programmer."
~Me
by AInternetUser November 01, 2019
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