Palatine Inn Restaurant

The Palatine Inn is a feeding ground for old people, beaners, and priests. It is located in Palatine, IL, otherwise known as the worst town ever. The establishment has a view of a parking lot, a Burger King, and an old folks home from which oldies escape for the Palatine Inn's senior specials (Mon-Thurs in case you were wondering). If you walk in at any given time during the day, 90% of the customers are over 90. Priests from the nearby church can often be seen gathering there but it is strange why they choose this "lovely" establishment since the food will destroy your soul. The content of the food is questionable: the bread is obviously from a bread museum (crusty and old) and incidents regarding mostaccioli being stored on the floor in toxic bins have been reported. (Look it up yourself if you don't believe it. Get us out of this town.) A rotting cheese smell can usually be detected all the time. And if this isn't bad enough your food is served by crabby old(really old) waitresses who can't hear you and screw up your order and also wish you would die. There are suspicions that people actually do die from the food. The parts that aren't used in the cooking are turned to ashes and stored in random "pots" awkwardly placed in the dining rooms. Pots...more like urns. Other random statues include some creepy naked lady fountain things and a giant life-size Spiderman. Also, Mexican bus-boys harass you while you eat.

1. Bus-boy: "COMO ESTAS!!!!!!" repeated 1000 times during your meal and usually accompanied by high-fives.
Innocent customer: ...(kill me)

2. Gail: "Cheryl! Want to get some eats?"
Cheryl: "Let me put my teeth in before we go to the Palatine Inn Restaurant."

3. Person 1: "Little Johnny went missing yesterday."
Person 2: "Oh, he must have gone to the Palatine Inn."

by Horrified people February 12, 2011