Mid life douche crisis 

Mid 30s white suburban parents who try to act like 20 year old bros
Signs include but not limited to:

American Fighter/affliction or some bullshit shirt about how they’re so offensive and don’t care, obviousLy on roids, overly tan, usually talks about the going to the lake all the time. Exorbitant amount of overpriced product stickers (RTIC, Yeti, Malibu boats and a punisher logo for some reason) on his lifted Jeep with no doors or jacked up F250 and off roading consists of median hopping to avoid suburb traffic jams. Dresses kids in expensive athletic gear (compression pants under basketball shorts) like they are pro’s when little billy’s jump shot sucks and daddy is in denial. Overuse of “bro”, your 38 years old Tom, stop saying that. Miserable behind closed doors

*Exorbitant amount of credit card debt to keep up the appearance of the good life

Their kids are spoiled little fuckboys who think they are special but are just like every other twat waffle in town.

I live around these societal crotchstains and I hate it. Cypress, TX has some good people in it, it’s the asshats who think that because they’re family sits in the front row at church and rubs elbows with the pastor, it makes them part of the “in crowd” People don’t envy your family, it’s annoying and sad. Have some substance in your life and stop being a shallow pool of cloudy douche water.

I feel bad for him, his parents are going through a mid life douche crisis so they don’t pay attention to him.

Mid life douche crisis by Jbdefinitions June 13, 2019