Fayettenam Metal
The new wave of rotten garage music performed by untalented white suburban and rural 16-28 year olds. Originating in the foothills of Appalachia, this bland combo of hardcore/thrash/bad cover songs is performed at your local roller rink or bingo hall, with a typical attendance of about 80; mostly young impressionable girls who sleep with/go down on all members of said bands.
Your typical Fayettenam Metal band has a name in their title or a very short name that's easy for their stoner fans to remember. Examples include Land Mynd, Slick & the Uglies, Bow Down and Mental Pain. Many more exist but don't advertise.
Songs sung by these bands range from new Green Day and A7x to old 90's alt-rock set to a hardcore tempo, wherein the singer attempts to scream like an old-school death metaller, failing miserably. Guitarists tend to show off on stage, usually by imitating Jimi Hendrix. This is a prime example of their lack of life focus, as they spend most waking hours practicing an instrument that will make them no money.
Beware negativity around Fayettenam bands, as they do not handle criticism well, and you might wind up getting beaten up by their fans and harems.
Your typical Fayettenam Metal band has a name in their title or a very short name that's easy for their stoner fans to remember. Examples include Land Mynd, Slick & the Uglies, Bow Down and Mental Pain. Many more exist but don't advertise.
Songs sung by these bands range from new Green Day and A7x to old 90's alt-rock set to a hardcore tempo, wherein the singer attempts to scream like an old-school death metaller, failing miserably. Guitarists tend to show off on stage, usually by imitating Jimi Hendrix. This is a prime example of their lack of life focus, as they spend most waking hours practicing an instrument that will make them no money.
Beware negativity around Fayettenam bands, as they do not handle criticism well, and you might wind up getting beaten up by their fans and harems.
Boy 1: I can play the guitar! And I know every Metallica and Green Day song! Let's form a band!
Boy 2: I love emo but won't admit it! I'll be in your band and we can impress the local school girls and they'll have to sleep with us! Let's go putz around the mall and hang up fliers!
Boy 3: Let's get stoned first and then tell everyone of our Fayettenam Metal, because we're proud to be the scum of the earth!
Girl 1: I want to sleep with some long-haired potheads and maybe take a shot in the mouth by a horrible bass player.
Girl 2: No problem! Let's put our diaphragms in and go to the Fayettenam Metal show. There will be plenty for the both of us.
Boy 2: I love emo but won't admit it! I'll be in your band and we can impress the local school girls and they'll have to sleep with us! Let's go putz around the mall and hang up fliers!
Boy 3: Let's get stoned first and then tell everyone of our Fayettenam Metal, because we're proud to be the scum of the earth!
Girl 1: I want to sleep with some long-haired potheads and maybe take a shot in the mouth by a horrible bass player.
Girl 2: No problem! Let's put our diaphragms in and go to the Fayettenam Metal show. There will be plenty for the both of us.
Fayettenam Metal by Prof. Wreck June 26, 2007
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