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Faustian Cilantro 

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An euphemism used to describe marijuana. Specifically, a kind of marijuana that detaches you from the outside world and feelings that AREN'T happiness or overall satisfaction. This is a kind of weed that will make you dissociate from everything around you, turning you into a LITERAL couch potato as you metamorph into the absolute greatest vibe in the room for the next twelve hours. However, as you do, it's most likely that your ass is going to be fried harder than the cheap, $5 pizza that some drunk guy in the other room tried to fry. With some firewood, butter and vegetable oil on a stove, no less.

The name is in reference to the German legendary figure "Faust", who had struck a deal with the devil to trade off his soul and virtue in exchange for a plethora of worldly pleasures. In the not-as-nerdy voice, it basically references a guy who sold his soul to the Devil for some P-J. That's a deal I can get behind, me personally.
1: " This Faustian Cilantro hittin' like Joe DiMaggio in the batter's box. "
2: " Dude, you're not even fucking baked. Shut up. "
1: " Well, who IS? "
2: " Jacob over there is absolutely SMASHED off of it. See how he's sitting? "
1: " . . . shiiiit. You're right. "
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