Cafea

It's like *Sigh* derived from the malfunction of predictive text on a mobile phone, other such words are numerous.
the word enjoys much popularity in areas of Scotland.
it was originally Created by Jamie, a dear friend of mine.
used when your fed up with someone being clinically stupid.

Noob: hey what does this card do?
Craig: *Cafea* maybe i should get it printed in brail, as you obviously are completley incapable of using your eyes.

Cafea by Craig McCallum June 10, 2007

cafebabe 

A well-known hex speak number:

0xCAFEBABE (hexadecimal) equals 3405691582 in decimal and is used as a magic number in Java.

Also, a babe you met in a cafe.

Adam: So, how are things with you and your 3405691582?
Brian: My cafebabe? I tried calling her but she wouldn't pick up.

cafebabe by Mike O'Donnald April 6, 2010

Cafe commander

One who feigns a knowledge of the military.

Trevor is a regular cafe commander, saying what the generals should do!

Cafe commander by I, Wreckerrr November 11, 2016

Vinyl Cafe 

A long-running CBC radio show which features Stuart McLean telling stories in what is supposed to be a wistful and nostalgic voice. Some love his style of reading, and others can't stand it.

You listen to the Vinyl Cafe? I don't know how you can stand Stuart McLean's tone of voice!

Vinyl Cafe by Chipperbit August 18, 2010

Makeupalley Cafe 

A sub-board of a makeup site comprised of white, 25-50 year old women. This is where women who are bitter at the world go to unleash their bitchery in order to feel better about themselves. Many are mothers which is frightening when you see how they act.

Common topic du jour's include:

picking every attractive woman posted apart (yet if a MUAer posts a picture of themselves "omg gorgeous!"), shitting on feminism, "flaming" people who say something a MUAer doesn't agree with, casual racism, pets, how making 70k a year means you're poor, college (most MUAers claim to have a college degree yet are still complete fools), shitty significant others, obviously made up stories, etc etc.

This is a very hostile environment & almost everyone who frequents Cafe has a severe mental/emotional issue. If you're better off than a majority of the people on the board you must be sickeningly humble or prepare for shit to be flung your way. Nice posters exist but are few and far between, and most "normal" and sane posters left a long time ago.

A rundown on some popular posters with names redacted to give you a feel of the board:

Unstable ex-junkie addicted to cosmetic injectables and tacky hair dye.

Popular for being cheery yet despised by some because she ruins their incessant brooding.

Sugar baby who hates women.

The Kim Kardashian of the board. Stupid and vapid yet people can't stop talking about her.

Racist republican who thinks native Americans deserved to have their land stolen.

Makeupalley cafe is a black hole filled to the brim with women you would never want to meet.

Makeupalley Cafe by Percy Jackson is Back June 10, 2014

Beijing Cafe 

Sketchy chinese restaurant where all the shit goes down

Kenny Kalman beat the shit out of Oleum in the alley behind Beijing Cafe after an illegal Mahjong game in the basement

Beijing Cafe by Naked Wahadi December 3, 2016

Café Ecologist 

Generally, a government employee or environmental consultant who has no practical field skills or an understanding of ecology.

Unable to navigate in the bush without the aid of a touch screen device. Turn up into the field dressed in completely new clothes, almost always in khaki and predominately featuring an outdoors store latest season catalogue. Various digital accoutrements hang off their belt to help with managing the wilderness. Prone to printing off a small woodlands worth of paperwork with every page colour coded, labelled and compartmentalised in corresponding coloured manilla folders. Cannot change a tyre.

Spend the majority of their time in the office obsessing of minor inconsequential details which will be overlooked by the client. Readily plot survey points on a map with scant regard for topography, vegetation density or difficulty of access for which they will then send out contractors to complete the actual work. Dislike meetings but will tolerate them for the tiny catered sandwiches during mid-morning tea. Drink soy lattes.

Have the fitness of a wounded gazelle. Consider light wind a significant hazard and will accordingly cancel the days work. Accustomed to hefty meal allowances of which most will be spent on sourdough and chia seeds. Don’t like spiders or things getting in their hair. Find fieldwork emotionally and physically traumatising despite their Instagram hashtags indicating otherwise.

Readily identify as an ‘ecologist’ in their email signature.

Standing at the precipice of a volcano looking down into a cauldron of boiling, angry lava.
Ecologist 1: Who put the site down there?
Ecologist 2: A fucking café ecologist.

Café Ecologist by The Angry Biologist October 16, 2019