The best and most unique instrument ever made. It is easily the most hated on instrument in the band, but we know that everyone is just jealous of our amazing talent. Unless it is in the right hands, we sound like ducks with a chainsaw, but otherwise, we sound absolutely beautiful. We are stereotyped as geniuses without a life, but really, we are smart and are the life of the band. Due to our brains, when we are made fun of, our quick mind gives us an insult three times worse than an egotistic trumpets.
We're just awesome though.
Ew, is someone killing a duck?
No, that's just Bob trying to learn bassoon.

Wow, what is that angelic noise?
Only the best instrument ever; The bassoon!
by CoffeeAddict August 16, 2012
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The best instrument EVER. It produces a dark, round, rich sound which is very unique, especially in the upper register.

Though it is extremely difficult at first, once you get the hang of using your thumbs more it gets easy; but it requires hours of practice and perseverance.

Not only that, but Colleges and Universities are always looking out for good Bassoonists because they earn very good scholarships and are usually very intelligent.

Number one rule to play Bassoon: You need to have a sense of humor. :)
Colin: I want to play the Trumpet.

Karen: Oh, please! Bassoon owns Trumpet.
by Fagotist December 18, 2009
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The world's coolest instrument. Sounds like a dying duck fart, unless you know how to play. Which I do, so boo-yah. Also, as I've been told many many many many times, it looks like a bong. OK, I get it, move on with your life already.
Random Guy: Hehe... did you know your instrument looks like a bong?

Me: yes, the past 5 people to walk past have said that. But that still doesn't mean you can put drugs in it, you disrespectful bassoon killer.
by Me April 20, 2005
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A large wooden double reeded instrument that is often mistaken for an oboe by people that have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. Or, someone is resembling it to a bong. i have heard on numerous occasions, "farting bed post" and "potato shooter" the bassoon is by far the worlds most unique instrument and by far the coolest. eventhough it gets hated on much more than any other instrument.. ever. that is because everyone else is jealous.
this instrument produces a deep rich sound that if played incorrectly can sound like something is dying. which is why the majority of people should not play it. for in the wrong hands it sounds awful. in good hands of a skilled musician it has a beautiful sound. as long as its a wooden bassoon, they make them in plastic for student musiciains, i don't reccomend it.
the bassoon has 13 thumb keys. its rather intense and you really have to have skillful fingers to play a bassoon.
especially since you have to get used to holding some holes half way.
the bassoon is a base clef instrument that really brings in a quality base sound to the orchastra.

if you're looking at someone who is a bassoonist beware they're quick and will most likely kick your ass. That is if you harass the instrument they've spent way too many hours trying to perfect.
fantasia The Sorceer's Apprentice (with mickey mouse)
the main melody is all bassoon baby
joey: hey check out that huge pipe thing.
amy: thats an oboe i think...
kelsi: no dummy its a bassoon
by k2thespecial September 16, 2008
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A large, very complicated bass woodwind instrument. Extremely frustrating to learn and even harder to master. Most who attempt give up because thumbs are not meant to move as fast as is needed to play it.
It is thought to have been designed by the devil himself.
John: Hey, man, you still playing that bassoon?

Joe: No, way! I gave it up weeks ago for something easy, a baritone
by MissBlackEyeLiner February 27, 2009
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The bassoon is by far the best instrument ever, making the other sections bow down to them. If you fail to play it right though, it will sound like a duck that is dying.

And although it is the best, the other sections must confuse the bassoon with the oboe every other time they say the name, because they do not know any better.

Commonly referred to as the "farting bedpost", and also the target of many jokes (most of which involve the bassoon again being compared with the inferior oboe, having it being burned longer.) the bassoonists must be very patient.
Clarinetist: Nice Oboe!
Bassoonist: IT'S A BASSOON! -stabs with reed-

What's the difference between a bassoon and an oboe? The bassoon burns longer!
by PointofnoReturn March 26, 2011
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A pain in the ass, a massive pain. Can and will be mistakenly called:

a. Oboe
b. Large flute
c. Clarinet
d. Bass clarinet
e. Baritone saxophone
f. Trombone
The bassoon looks like a Victorian bedpost and sounds like one too... that is, if you were to ever hollow one out and blow into it. The sounds it makes have been described as "a dying duck", "a dying cat", or "sharp!" It is never in tune. The first five years or so of playing will sound like shit, but once you've hit your sixth or seventh year, it sounds a little less shitty and more like the gates of heaven. You will not be able to march with this (sorry, marching band is out! If you're keen to join, as I am, switch to clarinet or sax!) but it's great for concert band, as it is easiest played sitting down. The fingerings are complete shit and very, VERY confusing. I've looked up clarinet, flute, and saxophone fingerings. They look like addition and subtraction next to the trigonometry of bassoonland. If you want to make your own reeds (anything you can buy is really bad quality) then the process takes weeks. I get this a LOT when I tell people I play bassoon.

"What's that?"
"Oh! I know that~! It's like a large flute! :D :D :D!"

"Shit, good luck, mate."

Alma: "Oh, Jolene, what is that?"

Jolene: "It's my bassoon case!"

Alma: "Ooooh, I know that! A bassoon is just like a big flute, isn't it?"
Jolene: "...This is rather concerning as you play trombone in our school band."
by November 8, 2017
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