Everyone has heard an adult human rectum can stretch to 7 inches without tearing; and that raccoons can fit into holes as small as four inches. The Florida Man, takes advantage of those last few inches of clearance with the addition of an adult brown striped Atlantic octopus. Octopi can fit into anything larger than their beak. So to preform the Florida Man, one must simply trap a dumpster raccoon, catch an adult Atlantic octopus, and then hogtie the raccoon using the Optimus’s tentacles. At that point a fair amount of axle grease should ease the transition into the rectum, potato cannons can also be used for extra Florida points. The two animals will then fight to the death in the recipient’s rectum, without ever tearing the sphincter.
Bets should be placed about which animal will come out the victor.
It is also important not to bitch out and use Atlantic Pygmy octopi as they are venomous.
Bets should be placed about which animal will come out the victor.
It is also important not to bitch out and use Atlantic Pygmy octopi as they are venomous.
Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen come into the ER? We once had a guy come in with a dead raccoon and a live octopus up his ass. Everyone with him apparently had bets going about which animal would be dead when we removed them. They called it the Florida Man Colonsseum
by Jdh1002 April 11, 2023
Get the Florida Man Colonsseum mug.As opposed to being homesick, to be Florida Sick is to miss Florida so much you want to go back, regardless of whether or not you call Florida home.
by DevilRay97 May 2, 2023
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Get the Florida Snow Monkey mug.Plugging up someone's arsehole with both your feet, giving them a gentle thrust and spreading just before yanking them out, pulling all the juice and shit out to cover your feet whilst trying to hold back the contents of a potentially prolapsed anus with your toes.
The cost of living crisis was so bad this year that nobody bought me socks for Christmas - so I had to convince the Mrs to do a Florida Foot Bath
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“Oooooh where to daddy??”
“Florida”
“Drop us round Grandma’s and go by yourself you fat cunt”
“But… what about Mickey Mouse??”
“Oooooh where to daddy??”
“Florida”
“Drop us round Grandma’s and go by yourself you fat cunt”
“But… what about Mickey Mouse??”
by SmallChildrenPissMeOff December 28, 2022
Get the Florida mug.Men of all ages gather in a swamp in Florida and masturbate harder than ever before with the crocs and each man see who can ejaculate on the most crocodiles without getting a croc to attack
Me and all my elementary school homies flew down to Florida and had the most lovely Florida man Fuckfest till little Timmy didn’t escape when the crocodile attacked and now we did it again to honor him, couldn’t even make it past second grade
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