Canada's History 

This is the most offensive sexual act that has ever been performed in the history of Canada. It involves moose antlers, a gallon of maple syrup, 14.5 people. This makes the "Aristocrats" seem like soft core porn!

Canadian #1 : "Did you hear that the magazine 'The Beaver' is changing its name to 'Canada's History' because of the porn filters on search engines?"

Canadian #2 : "Oh no! Don't they know that 'Canada's History' is a lot worse than 'The Beaver'!!! What have they done!

Canada's History by SColbert February 4, 2010

Canada's History 

While having sex during a hockey match, it's the use of the maple syrup to shove a Stanley Cup like object up a woman's anus, while simultaneously being penetrated in the vagina with a penis which is covered in maple syrup. As soon as the male feels he needs to release he pulls out and cums on top of the Stanley Cup and yells Hat Trick!

Stephen: Hey baby, you wanna go pull off Canada's History?
Stephanie: As long as you can score me a Hat Trick.
Stephen: Don't worry, I can.

Canada's History by pickemgenius February 4, 2010

Canada's History 

The act of giving oral sex to a moose while simultaneously having the exact number of gallons that can be filled into the Stanley Cup injected into the anal cavity with its left antler. The right antler is simply impossible within the current laws of physics.

My god. I just found out the definition of Canada's History. That is... wonderful.

Canada's History by ForsFagerstrom February 25, 2010

Canada's History 

An incredibly long, drawn-out sexual act involving a man, a woman, their daughter and son, Grandma (it helps if she's from Quebec), the family collie, moose antlers, maple syrup and a piece of hockey equipment from a former Shawinigan Junior-B player named Red Stanley (aka "Stanley's Cup", sometimes misinterpreted as the trophy from a professional hockey league).

While the act itself is far to complex to explain without the use of diagrams, specially modified crash-test dummies and a pie-chart, it can sometimes be seen performed live on stage at an underground nightclub in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan by a local theatre troupe known as "The Aristocrats".

"Last night's performance of Canada's History was so intense that Grandma's glass-eye wouldn't come back out."

Canada's History by grapevine1015 February 5, 2010

Canada's History 

The most jaw-dropping sex act imaginable. It involves putting everything in there.

Stephen Colbert is very experienced at Canada's History.

Canada's History by Colbertaphile February 4, 2010

Canada's History 

1. The official magazine of Canada's National History Society

2. The history of that country north of the United States

3. A large rodent with a flat tail known for building dams

4. Another word to describe a female human vagina

Canada's History is just like a vagina... they both eat wood.

Canada's History by MIATeddyBear February 4, 2010

Canada's History 

Similar to the rumored five-fingered Kung-Fu pimp slap of death, Canada's History is a sexual technique which can alternately lead to either a 36-hour orgasm .... or death.

Instruments used to initiate the illicit 'Canada's History' include a harmonica, a Plastic Man action figure, 2 lbs. of Wendigo fur, a vat of maple syrup, a jar of Nutella, a live duck, 2 packets of duck sauce, the Stanley Cup (full-size replica is allowed), a moose (live or mounted), a kazoo, the complete works of Era Pound, a tazer gun, 4 oz. of tatto ink, a ball gag, and a roll of Canadian quarters. For best results, individuals attempting Canada's History should have endured either a colonoscopy or a pedicure just hours before attempting the procedure.

International treaties prohibit the actual depiction of the technique, although a loophole allows us to provide a list of individuals who may or may not have attempted (and possible even survived) Canada's History:
Betty White
William Shatner
Grape Ape
Lex Luthor
Pres. William McKinley
D. B. Cooper
The black guy from Ghostbusters
Ronald McDonald
Naomi Wolf
Glen Beck
John Luvitz
Redd Foxx
and Rhea Perlman

"Hey, man, are you still getting laid when you go to Niagara Falls for vacation?'
"Well, let's just say Canada's History and leave it at that."

Canada's History by ScrantonWordMeister February 10, 2010