A contract written to protect people from falling into the bottomless hole of simpery. The contract includes ten injunctions. These are as such:
I. Thou shalt not spend money on the object of simpery.
II. Thou shalt not ship the object of simpery with thine self.
III. Thou shalt not lay thine eyes on fanfictions or shippy fanart.
IV. Thou shalt not browse pictures of the object of simpery for more than ten minutes a day.
V. Thou shalt not watch more than thirty minutes of videos of the object of simpery a day.
VI. Thou shalt not gush about the object of simping on thy social media.
VII. Thou shalt not show any emotion towards the object of simping.
VIII. Thou shalt not say cheesy, cringey, corny, or crusty things about the members.
IX. Thou shalt not have more than ten pictures of the object of simpery at a time. Thou shalt also not have a single shirtless or sexy picture of them.
X. Thou shalt not become an egg--smooth-brained, hairless, and lacking of common sense.
Each injunction comes with a respective punishment.
I. Thou shalt not spend money on the object of simpery.
II. Thou shalt not ship the object of simpery with thine self.
III. Thou shalt not lay thine eyes on fanfictions or shippy fanart.
IV. Thou shalt not browse pictures of the object of simpery for more than ten minutes a day.
V. Thou shalt not watch more than thirty minutes of videos of the object of simpery a day.
VI. Thou shalt not gush about the object of simping on thy social media.
VII. Thou shalt not show any emotion towards the object of simping.
VIII. Thou shalt not say cheesy, cringey, corny, or crusty things about the members.
IX. Thou shalt not have more than ten pictures of the object of simpery at a time. Thou shalt also not have a single shirtless or sexy picture of them.
X. Thou shalt not become an egg--smooth-brained, hairless, and lacking of common sense.
Each injunction comes with a respective punishment.
Mike: "Dude, I signed the simp contract yesterday and I've never felt so protected in my life! It's like a form of insurance so I won't fall into the shame of simping ever again."
Jimmy: "It's too late for me, man. I already broke three of the rules and now I'm going to get punished for being a simp."
Jimmy: "It's too late for me, man. I already broke three of the rules and now I'm going to get punished for being a simp."
by eyelidlash July 20, 2021
Get the simp contract mug.This is a cold weather problem. Everything contracts when it gets cold, including the bladder.
Ever notice that the urge to take a piss dramatically increases when you step out into the cold?
Ever notice that the urge to take a piss dramatically increases when you step out into the cold?
Yeah, I better take a piss before I go leave, it's cold as hell outside, I don't want to have bladder contraction issues.
by Charles_U_Farley March 12, 2011
Get the bladder contraction mug.Related Words
A legally binding agreement that states that two sexual partners did INDEED have consensual sex. Both parties sign this contract and can be held liable if said contract is violated.
by bigtones July 27, 2004
Get the love contract mug.A guy with no license, insurance , or skills and uses a Minivan as a work truck with ladders tied to the top. Also has a coverted pick-up truck rear end as a trailer.
by Rikki 2 times February 21, 2008
Get the Jucket contractor mug.when an intense shit attack overwhelms you to the point where you'll shit in the river and wipe your ass with a rock.
after eating two dozen hot wings and jalapeno poppers, I had ass contractions like there was fire in my ass.
by zimdaddy August 16, 2003
Get the ass contractions mug.-Noun
1. A person who contracts to perform sex acts at a certain price or rate.
2. A politically correct term for a prostitute, whore, hooker, or ho.
1. A person who contracts to perform sex acts at a certain price or rate.
2. A politically correct term for a prostitute, whore, hooker, or ho.
Man to Friend
"My wife has not put out for 3 months now so while on my way home from a camping trip after not showering for 5 full days I stopped and picked up a skanky old whore. I thought she was going to pass out from the stench when I unzipped my fly but no, she gobbled my knob like a pro and I busted a ferocious nut right down her throat".
Friend to Man
"Wow that was a great story. Thanks for sharing that. By the way I believe they preferred to be called genital contractor rather than whore".
"My wife has not put out for 3 months now so while on my way home from a camping trip after not showering for 5 full days I stopped and picked up a skanky old whore. I thought she was going to pass out from the stench when I unzipped my fly but no, she gobbled my knob like a pro and I busted a ferocious nut right down her throat".
Friend to Man
"Wow that was a great story. Thanks for sharing that. By the way I believe they preferred to be called genital contractor rather than whore".
by Haywould Jablowme February 2, 2009
Get the Genital Contractor mug.An IT Contractor is a person that gets paid huge amounts of money for doing nothing at all. The IT Contractor first came into its own in 1999 when the world was conned into thinking all computers would crash at midnight , news years day 2000. This was the biggest scam of all time and has for ever since been a legend in IT Contracting circles.
Contractors can be seen most, if not all evenings, occupying large tables in Bars / Pubs and talking about how good Linux is and how end users are thick cunts.
See also Lazy Cunt , Idle , Scammer , Useless Tossers , Booze, Alcoholic
Contractors can be seen most, if not all evenings, occupying large tables in Bars / Pubs and talking about how good Linux is and how end users are thick cunts.
See also Lazy Cunt , Idle , Scammer , Useless Tossers , Booze, Alcoholic
by Terry T November 29, 2006
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