The Mulaney Test

The Mulaney Test is the informal name of the "worse word" scenario outlined in John Mulaney's hit 2012 standup special "New in Town." Mulaney describes a situation in which he is writing for an awards show and uses the word "midget" in a script. Mulaney is confronted by network personnel and told that he "can't put the word midget on TV" because "'Midget' is as bad as the 'n-word" to which Mulaney retorts "First off: no. No, it's not! "Do you know how I know it's not," I said to him, "is because we’re saying the word 'midget,' and we’re not even saying what the 'n-word' is!"

Finally, Mulaney offers The Mulaney Test succinctly: If you're comparing the badness of two words, and you won’t even say one of them? That's the worse word.

Z: Man, the boss said some wild shit earlier.
J: Like what?
Z: Well, he was talking about Indians and some other shit I can even say out loud.
J: Oh wow
Z: Yeah, I don't know which was worse
J: Well, per The Mulaney Test, the stuff you won't say out loud was worse.

by PineapplePizza117 July 4, 2022

brown paper bag test

An actual test, along with the so-called ruler test in common use in the the early 1900s among upper class Black American societies and families to determine if a Black person was sufficiently white to gain admittance or acceptance. If your skin was darker than a brown paper bag, you did not merit inclusion. Thousands of Black institutions including the nation's most eminent Black fraternity -- Phi Alpha Phi, Howard Univiersity, and numerous church and civic groups all practiced this discriminiation. The practice has 19th Century antecedants with the Blue Blood Society and has not totally died out.

Zora Neal Hurston was the first well known writer to air this strange practice in a public. The practice is now nearly universally condemned (at least in public) as being an example of "colorism". Particularly cogent modern day critiques can be found in Kathy Russell's "The Color Complex", Tony Morrion's "The Bluest Eye" (an Ophrey Book Club choice) and Marita Golden's "Don't Play in the Sun." The best known send-up of the pactice, however, is Spike Lee's scathing and hilarious 1988 movie, "School Daze."

"Though the brown paper bag test is antiquated and frowned upon as a shameful moment in African-American history, the ideals behind the practice still lingers in the African-American community" -- Rivea Ruff, BlackCollegeView.Com

by Bill Peters August 19, 2006

The Pencil Test

A test to determine whether women can go braless in public. The tester lifts a breast, places a pencil under it, and releases the breast. If the pencil falls down, she can go braless (under a shirt, of course). If the pencil is held in place by the weight of her breast, she should wear a bra.

I took the pencil test and decided that the halter top was a bad idea.

by Sprvxn December 31, 2006

Pacer Test

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. beep A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. beep A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

by The Fitness GramMan May 27, 2016

Google test

When your internet connection is being problematic, you do the google test. Basically, you try to visit www.google.com and if it fails, you know your connection is tango uniform.

Friend A: My internet connection is not really working...

Friend B: Did you google test it?

Friend A: Yeah, nothing.

Friend B: Call AOL(because only AOL sucks enough to have problems regularly?)

by Quinn Allen September 2, 2006

piss test

when you randomly have to piss in a small cup to test for pot heads and tweakers.

Beth: "wat up my nig, you wanna smoke this purple kush?! i just bought an eighth!"

Salley:" hell no! i gotta go see my p.o. today. She gonna gimmie one of them piss tests..."

Beth: "damn"

by pixi3srh630 February 6, 2009

white-glove test

A test to certify completion or acceptability; administered in a manner and possibly by a party representing an almost inhuman ideal of precision, thouroughness, and attention to detail.

I detailed the car for hours, but the greasy steering wheel did me in during the white-glove test.

by imp777 January 26, 2004