Mastur-reading

Pleasuring one's self to a novel or any form of text that doesn't involve another person. (Not to be confused with sexting)

I spotted an old man mastur-reading in the far corner of the library.

by Creepy Guy in The Library October 15, 2011

a read

An epic online discussion that requires at least an hour, a comfy seat and snack.

I'm gonna have to wait til I get off work to get into this Pro 2nd Amendment discussion on Facebook. Its definitely a read.

by Blahblahwhogivesafuck May 17, 2023

The standing reading

When you spend a week on Mongolian, marching powder, and the door is locked on, the shitter perch, her self against a post and release all that backed up semi solid waste

Oh, that poor bastard hasta shit so bad and the doors locked. He’s gonna have to do “the standing reading”

by Carne asodomy June 13, 2023

Do not read this mug

You read the mug. Lol

Do not read this mug is what you say when you dont want someone readying you're new UD mug
Co-Worker: Cool mug!
You: Lol, it says not to read it

by LambadaCore March 19, 2023

Thomas Crewe-Read

Stupid bitch with weird teeth and weird hair that likes to watch small children. He often goes to state school playgrounds in recess with a high-zoom camera and films them going down the slide. He likes it deep.

Parent 1: “Thomas Crewe-Read is here! Fucking protect your kids”

Parent 2: “Damn straight, ni, get that creepy bastard fat 🥷🏿 out of this shithole!”

by SlipperySloshy January 16, 2023

Gossip Read

Used when relating possibly non-factual information you read somewhere.

I gossip read that the Microsoft layoffs are mostly in the marketing department.

by HeyEbeth January 18, 2023

Sandwich-reading

The process of reading the first and last chapter of a book, and then writing an essay about what you think the books insides are.

Educated guesswork using online summary sources are also a viable method of completing sandwich-reading.

I didn't read that book. I was only sandwich-reading it to make sure key points got introduced. I couldn't read the whole thing since I was too busy.

by Somegregoryguy January 23, 2023