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polishing the torpedo

1. To Masturbate; jack off

2. To furiously clean the penis

3. To actually clean and polish a torpedo
"Yo Marcus, what are you doing in the bathroom for so long, I have to take a shower?"

"I'm polishing the torpedo."

"Gross, just don't leave me any surprises in the tub..."
by marcus daniel malloid March 25, 2008
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polishing Yul Brenner's head

My mom said I'd grow hair on my palms if I kept polishing Yul Brenner's head, but I'm determined to wear that hair off.
by Soon 2. B. Unemployed March 18, 2011
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Related Words

turd polishing

An engineering term referring to the process of examining a product, process, or system for defects, fixing the defects, then repeating as new defects appear, instead of re-engineering the solution with fewer defects.
"In other words, you attack your firewall / software / website / whatever from the outside, identify a flaw in it, fix the flaw, and then go back to looking. One of my programmer buddies refers to this process as 'turd polishing' because, as he says, it doesn't make your code any less smelly in the long run but management might enjoy its improved, shiny, appearance in the short term. "
by Mycopheles September 27, 2005
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phishing

The act of setting up a fake store front that looks like the real one to trick people; usually to steal their personal information.

The word was named after Brien Phish who set up a credit card scam in the 1980s over the phone by pretending to be from the credit card company.
This is a clever phish attempt by a couple of hooligans.
by Oliver Clevont August 8, 2004
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Polishing a turd

To fix, repair, repaint, shine or do other things to something that isn't worthy - but you have to do it for one reason or another. Because the basic fact is no matter what you do to a turd - polish it, paint it, give it bling - it's still a turd, and there is nothing you can do about that underlying fact.

This is often encountered for people who restore antiques, or who work in older buildings or on old machines. It may not be practical to replace a piece of crap, and polishing a turd may be all you can do.

Polishing A Turd is different from nigger-rigging because nigger-rigging is just to get something operational with little regard to how it looks or runs in the long term. Polishing A Turd involves making something look and operate as best as it can, although both may be major problems because it was a piece of crap to begin with. A Rolls Royce can be nigger-rigged, but you would not call it polishing a turd (unless it is a real ghetto cruiser). Putting new tires on a Yugo and filling its gas tank is polishing a turd.
The 1942 Philco record changers were so bad, restoring them is only polishing a turd.

My friend is polishing a turd - he's rebuilding the engine in his 1976 Vega.

The elevator was constantly breaking down in the last place I worked. It was old and beat up, and repairs were no better than polishing a turd.

"You're just polishing a turd fixing that Pinto."
"More like jack up the horn and stick a car under it!"
by Old Radio Collector June 23, 2007
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Phaphing

The act of tinkering with your smartphone. Constantly.
"Stop your phaphing and get on with some work!"
by Fwing June 16, 2011
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Polishing the Brass Rail

The use of sexal acts/favors to attempt to obtain a promotion in the workplace. Most commonly referring to executive level promotions.
Bob would be working in the mailroom instead of the sixth floor if he wasn't polishing the brass rail.
by Bajebus September 21, 2011
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