A man who gets off on watching children 24/7 and making a list of Those who are nice, and those who are “naughty” he uses this list to choose his targets and break into their houses. He is often depicted as obese due to the fact that he lives exclusively off of stolen baked goods and dairy products, but in reality he must be RIPPED from all of the walls he scales and he has to be fairly lean in order to squeeze down all those chimneys. Mose people believe he gets around so fast because of a majical slay and a team of flying reign deer with LED noses, but this is very unlikely because he would be so easy to spot. It is much more plausible that the child stalking creep with so many different names is actually riding around in a white van to blend in with the snow and to have room for all of his “gifts” that he’s used to gain children’s trust worldwide! The only question remaining is, “is Santa Claus coming to your town?”
Me: I think I just heard something on the roof!
Macaulay Culkin: I’ll go deal with it.
Me: Wait! It could be Santa Claus!
Macaulay Culkin: Your right... I’ll bring extra bricks.
Me: Good idea! Now go put an end to that creep!
Macaulay Culkin: I’ll go deal with it.
Me: Wait! It could be Santa Claus!
Macaulay Culkin: Your right... I’ll bring extra bricks.
Me: Good idea! Now go put an end to that creep!
by iabast December 26, 2020
by The White Parade February 12, 2020
A slutty girl that wears a red Santa hat along with a short red and white skirt and high black boots.
by TygerGal December 10, 2009
When Santa is too fat for your chimney and he gets stuck so you pull out his tiny dick and start jerking him off all night.
Kim: Santa's stuck in my chimney!
Santa: help!
Kim: *pulls down santas pants*
Santa: wha- what are you doing?
Kim: oh nothing, just milking the Santa!
Santa: oh god!
Santa: help!
Kim: *pulls down santas pants*
Santa: wha- what are you doing?
Kim: oh nothing, just milking the Santa!
Santa: oh god!
by Uniaer October 26, 2020
by Most palone April 03, 2019
by Gabe.M March 08, 2020
Santa-Sauced: The condition many volunteers find themselves in after a day of playing Santa Claus in some mall somewhere. Drinking cheap booze out of a paper coffee cup in order to tolerate all of the little brats and their know-it-all, overbearing, fucken soccer moms.
Teenager 1: Hey Jimmy, why don’t we go home and get your little bro so he can see Santa Clause and get his picture and shit.
Teenager 2: No way man. That motherfucker is Santa-Sauced. I don’t want him near my little bro.
Teenager 1: Seriously dude; how can you tell?
Teenager 2: Cause the more that Santa drinks his coffee, the more he sways in his chair and slurs his words. He damn near fell over helping the last kid off his lap.
Teenager 1: Well, you must be right. If anyone knows what being drunk looks like, it would be your drunk ass.
Teenager 2: No way man. That motherfucker is Santa-Sauced. I don’t want him near my little bro.
Teenager 1: Seriously dude; how can you tell?
Teenager 2: Cause the more that Santa drinks his coffee, the more he sways in his chair and slurs his words. He damn near fell over helping the last kid off his lap.
Teenager 1: Well, you must be right. If anyone knows what being drunk looks like, it would be your drunk ass.
by Jackthesnipper9512365 December 02, 2011