simulated blumpkin

A solo version of a blumpkin usually performed by jerkin it while taking a dump. It is usually performed by a Cringelord to the memory of some unrequited love. If the performer is short a couple ribs, either through surgical means or birth defect, may also be done full-simulation style.

Person A: Hey man, where did Cringelord go? he isn't bothering your friend again is he? I mean he's been after her so long when she's made it clear she just isn't that into him.

Person B: Nah, he just went to take a dump.

Person A: Oh, so he's doing a simulated blumpkin?

Person B: Yup...

by evilleppy June 13, 2020

tatty blumpkin

Unimpressive blow job while taking a shit

Woman: was it good for you?
Man: Eh, tatty blumpkin.

by bigmike72 January 31, 2011

The Lone Blumpkin

When you are flexible enough to give yourself head while taking a shit on the toilet.

I was bored one day so i decided to do the lone blumpkin. Twas very steamy.

by therealtomkiely January 11, 2012

Lund Blumpkin

A variation of a blumpkin (receiving oral sex while pooping) where the recipient is pooping into a 5 gallon bucket.

After getting really drunk at Divers, she gave him a Lund blumpkin underneath his house.

by KromPecker February 15, 2022

velveteen blumpkin

A combination of the VELVETEEN RUB /// Getting a blow job from a woman or man who has removed a full set of dentures. A toothless blow job. And a BLUMPKIN /// Receiving oral sex while taking a shit.

see also: crumpkin

also see my favorite ;) Blumpkin pie

As the old man sat down to take a shit,the old broad popped out her dentures and said what the hell I might as well earn my keep, and suck his nasty,wrinkled, shriveled, pale old cock while he takes his morning dump.it's been a few years since I performed the old VELVETEEN BLUMPKIN, she thought to herself.

by stogie66 October 23, 2009

Russian Blumpkin

When you sit on a crouching girl (or guys) face. And she (he) licks your asshole while giving you a reach around hand job.

"Dude, me and like 20 friends just stood in line for an hour to get a russian blumpkin."

by Lusk1993 February 22, 2010

Oompa Blumpkin

A girl and or miget that dresses up as a Oompa-Loompa and gives you a blumpkin. Or a real Oompa-Loompa that gives you one.

Adam's Girlfriend for halloween dressed up as a Oompa-Loompa and gave him a Oompa Blumpkin.

Part of the Oompa Blumpkin song

What do you get when a Oompa guzzles down your cum
While something long and brown comes out of your bum

by Hollowzero April 11, 2008