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School Computer

Either school issued laptops or the computers found in the library and computer labs.

Characteristics of a school computer:

-Trash hardware

-SHIT processor and graphics card, inability to run any games. Even something as simple as Minecraft or Roblox wouldn't start, forget about running anything decent.

-Inability to run even anything, even opening up Microsoft Word might crash the computer.

-Grainy 480p monitor from the 70's

-Extremely strict and unnecessary parental controls. Nearly every site will be blocked even the ones such as YouTube and Agar.io. The parental controls are the only thing on the computer that even works

-A pain in the ass and a bad time. You're better off buying a $500 computer yourself
Person 1: This school computer is trash, It can't even open Minecraft
Person 2: Yeah, let's just save for a real computer.
by TheExtremeEvoker December 24, 2018
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old computer

slow

when your friends are slow asf
unable to function

takes forever to catch on
Holly: Demi do you know how many days are in the year?
Demi: No, uhh 267?
Holly: shaking my fucking head. you’re an old computer
by veronica cancklep June 9, 2018
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hand computer

That thing that you look at all day that is small and does a billion more things than a "phone" but you and all your friends call it a "phone" when clearly it's really a hand computer.
Hey how do we get to that happenin party?
I dunno man, lemme whip out my hand computer.
Your what?
Hand computer.
by Hottdiggidydog August 28, 2019
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Speaking Computer

The language of a person when they lag so hard while on FaceTime or zoom that only computer noises are heard when they speak.
I can't hear a thing you just fucking said, you're speaking computer
by theurbanpoet69 April 25, 2020
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hello your computer has virus

this is something what specifically an indian expert tech support caller would say and recommend downloading some file from an edgy website to help your computer run safely.
joe: Hello! my computer is not functioning properly, can you please detect the problem?
Tech Support Caller: Hello your computer has virus!!
by abondedspaghetti April 17, 2023
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Sleeper Computer

An incredibly fast computer disguised as a Windows 98 peice of crap. It will most likely look the same on the outside but be brand new on the inside. It has the latest processor,RAM and videocards built into a crappy shell.
1.I saw a sleeper computer but I didnt know it was any different from the old crappy school computer next to it.
2.After he started the computer, Mr.X was shocked to see it running a modern OS and start incredibly fast.
3.Wow look at that peice of crap.Wait,Holy Cow it's running Crysis at 60 fps!!!!
by Freshstyles50 August 22, 2009
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rectal computer

A computer that is medically shoved into your anal cavity. Often obtains viruses, and sometimes itches.
Woah, Tom got a new rectal computer!
by Water Washington April 14, 2014
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