simulated blumpkin

A solo version of a blumpkin usually performed by jerkin it while taking a dump. It is usually performed by a Cringelord to the memory of some unrequited love. If the performer is short a couple ribs, either through surgical means or birth defect, may also be done full-simulation style.

Person A: Hey man, where did Cringelord go? he isn't bothering your friend again is he? I mean he's been after her so long when she's made it clear she just isn't that into him.

Person B: Nah, he just went to take a dump.

Person A: Oh, so he's doing a simulated blumpkin?

Person B: Yup...

by evilleppy June 13, 2020

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blumpkin bomb

While a man is shitting and receiving a bj another man runs in as you finish and shoves her head between his legs into the shitty water

I sure gave marge from hr a nice blumpkin bomb this morning.

by Mr the sandwich March 20, 2017

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Digital Blumpkin

When a man sends a dick picture from a seated toilet position. Whether or not the intended recipient is reached is irrelevant, it is a digital blumpkin.

Oh my God Lydia! Some idiot just sent me a digital blumpkin!

Hey Bryce, I like sending pictures of my dick while I sit on my toilet, I think I'm a blumpkenite.

by Brick Napalm May 5, 2017

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speedy blumpkin

A sexual act in which a man receives oral sex whilst on the toilet suffering from diarrhea.

I ate too much sloppy Mexican food for dinner, but my wife helped me through my pain by giving me a great speedy blumpkin.

by Speedyblumpkins27 June 27, 2016

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Rumpel Blumpkin

Is derived from "Blumpkin" where you receive fellatio while defacating. However, a Rumpel Blumpkin is when you receive fellatio in a the same bathroom stall or toilet as somebody who is defacating.

I took this chick to the bathroom, but Joey was already taking a dump, so she straight gave me a Rumpel Blumpkin while he watched.

by Pico Rivera October 9, 2016

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