To perform the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, here's what you'll need: basic knowledge of website design and a very unique fake name. So, think of your fake name right now. Have you got it? Good.
Now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
The dialogue that follows should go something like this.
You: "Yeah. It's me."
Girl: "Do I know you?"
You: "I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
Girl: "Are you, like, famous, or something?"
You: "Yes... You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you..."
Girl: "Shelley."
You: "Shelley. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds: two t's. Lorenzo. Von Matterhorn. Ciao."
Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's a fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
You: "Hi. Shelley, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Yes! Please."
You: "What does coffee go for these days? Fifty dollars?"
Girl: "Oh, Lorenzo."
And it is on.
Now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
The dialogue that follows should go something like this.
You: "Yeah. It's me."
Girl: "Do I know you?"
You: "I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
Girl: "Are you, like, famous, or something?"
You: "Yes... You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you..."
Girl: "Shelley."
You: "Shelley. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds: two t's. Lorenzo. Von Matterhorn. Ciao."
Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's a fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
You: "Hi. Shelley, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Yes! Please."
You: "What does coffee go for these days? Fifty dollars?"
Girl: "Oh, Lorenzo."
And it is on.
Did you see that? Barney totally just pulled off The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. He's bringing the girl up to his room right now!
by lilypotter56 April 19, 2011
Get the The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn mug.Me- "Ugh I ship Mattex so much they're my OTP!"
Other- "What? You ship who?"
Me- "Mattex you know Matt and ALex duh."
Other- "What? You ship who?"
Me- "Mattex you know Matt and ALex duh."
by Kingston's Bitch... November 30, 2013
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A sexual position in which a man stands and holds a woman in an upside-down 69. Usually works best with a spinner.
Named so because he can rest his face on her oustretched legs, like a mantel, and her bush is on his chin and he looks Amish.
Named so because he can rest his face on her oustretched legs, like a mantel, and her bush is on his chin and he looks Amish.
by Alejandro Lupus August 1, 2010
Get the Amish Mantel mug.Trixie Mattel (Brian Furkus) is beloved drag queen from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Now living in WEHO. She appeared on RuPauls Best Friend Race season 7 and All Stars 3, in which she won All Stars 3 (rightfully so). She also has a hit TV show on Viceland with fellow Drag Race alumnus Katya Zamolodchicova. She uses over the top makeup skills to look like a doll.
by katyasfagash June 3, 2018
Get the Trixie Mattel mug.A very nice lovable person. She is very very pretty and normaly makes everyone aroun her smile. She is a hard worker and never gives up. She is shy in the beginning but once you know her she never stops talking. She is some what organized an gas a great sense if humor. She loves animals and has a life time goal she wants to achieve .
by Lizbeth Collin August 8, 2012
Get the Maite mug.A movement to ensure that women continue to wear yoga pants to the amusement of all straight men, bi, and lesbians everywhere
I was driving down the street and I heard some dude yell "black tights matter" at some apple bottomed belles.
by von groovy April 13, 2019
Get the black tights matter mug.an adjective used to describe a person's state of being when they have consumed an excessive amount of alcohol or drugs. A person who is feeling high, rowdy and/or "gone" may be symptomatic of being marted.
*marted derives from the french word marteau, meaning "hammer"
*marted derives from the french word marteau, meaning "hammer"
Mandem 1: "Bruhhh, I've only had 3 shots tonight but I'm feeling so smashed I can't even describe how gone I am!"
Mandem 2: "Fam, I think you're more than gone and more than smashed, I think you're marted!!"
Mandem 2: "Fam, I think you're more than gone and more than smashed, I think you're marted!!"
by ratchetrachell August 19, 2017
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