To perform the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, here's what you'll need: basic knowledge of website design and a very unique fake name. So, think of your fake name right now. Have you got it? Good.
Now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
The dialogue that follows should go something like this.
You: "Yeah. It's me."
Girl: "Do I know you?"
You: "I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
Girl: "Are you, like, famous, or something?"
You: "Yes... You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you..."
Girl: "Shelley."
You: "Shelley. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds: two t's. Lorenzo. Von Matterhorn. Ciao."
Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's a fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
You: "Hi. Shelley, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Yes! Please."
You: "What does coffee go for these days? Fifty dollars?"
Girl: "Oh, Lorenzo."
And it is on.
Now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
The dialogue that follows should go something like this.
You: "Yeah. It's me."
Girl: "Do I know you?"
You: "I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
Girl: "Are you, like, famous, or something?"
You: "Yes... You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you..."
Girl: "Shelley."
You: "Shelley. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds: two t's. Lorenzo. Von Matterhorn. Ciao."
Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's a fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
You: "Hi. Shelley, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Yes! Please."
You: "What does coffee go for these days? Fifty dollars?"
Girl: "Oh, Lorenzo."
And it is on.
Did you see that? Barney totally just pulled off The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. He's bringing the girl up to his room right now!
by lilypotter56 April 2, 2011
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn was born in Switzerland in the spring of 1974. He was placed in a basket and tossed into a river immediately following his birth. After traveling downstream for miles, he was found by a young Milanese woman who raised him, naming his Lorenzo after her father, and Von Matterhorn to reflect his Swiss heritage.
Lorenzo was diagnosed with a condition called phallumegally (bigness of penis) at a young age. He grew up unable to ride a bike or feel comfortable in a locker room or a regular pair of shorts. He has applied for penis reduction surgery many times, but the doctors have said that, sadly, that is not an option.
He is the founder of Von Matterhorn Industries International Unlimited Global Inc., or VMIIUGI, and was once named billionaire of the week by Big Business Journal.
See The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.
Lorenzo was diagnosed with a condition called phallumegally (bigness of penis) at a young age. He grew up unable to ride a bike or feel comfortable in a locker room or a regular pair of shorts. He has applied for penis reduction surgery many times, but the doctors have said that, sadly, that is not an option.
He is the founder of Von Matterhorn Industries International Unlimited Global Inc., or VMIIUGI, and was once named billionaire of the week by Big Business Journal.
See The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.
by lilypotter56 July 25, 2012
A play to run on girls to get the business.
1st: Have an ability in website design and think of a unique fake name. Have you got yours? Good!
Now when you get to the bar look for a girl with a really nice phone. Approach her with confidence and repeat your fake name often. Now when you leave she will go on her phone and do an internet search of you, where she'll see......
a series of fake websites talking about your many feats in being a billionaire, global balloon trekker, and being told by doctors that penis reduction surgery isn't an option.
give her some time then approach her again and ask if she would like to have coffee.
1st: Have an ability in website design and think of a unique fake name. Have you got yours? Good!
Now when you get to the bar look for a girl with a really nice phone. Approach her with confidence and repeat your fake name often. Now when you leave she will go on her phone and do an internet search of you, where she'll see......
a series of fake websites talking about your many feats in being a billionaire, global balloon trekker, and being told by doctors that penis reduction surgery isn't an option.
give her some time then approach her again and ask if she would like to have coffee.
by lesbihonestttt June 10, 2013
From the Playbook written by Barney Stinson.
An alternate personality of Barny Stinson (How I met your mother) that helps him become a (Fake) world renowned billionaire.
An alternate personality of Barny Stinson (How I met your mother) that helps him become a (Fake) world renowned billionaire.
by RomeAngel March 9, 2011