Skip to main content
The best place to be on the Jersey Shore. Inbetween white fuc*in trash Keansburg and rich filth Holmdel. Hazlet itself has its own little communities, such as West Keansburg, where everybody fights for anybody, and Raritan Valley, the upper middle class neighborhood where you can find crack fiends and Dodge Vipers. The cool thing to do in Hazlet on weekends is drink as much as you can without the worry of cops because they don't care. Everyone is preppy, gangsta, or emo/skater. No inbetweens. All the girls in high school wear is tight shirts exposing their tits and short skirts or tight jeans with their thongs hanging out. Best things to do are drink, smoke mad blunts, and have sex with random girls from whatever town is close. When you're from Hazlet, you can get pussy from anywhere. Best fuckin town on the East Coast.
person 1: yo let's fuck that kid up

person 2: we can't. he's from hazlet. he'll fuck us up and THEN fuck our girlfriend.
Hazlet by PopBottles March 20, 2008

Hazleton 

Basically Chicago jr. Full of Hispanics (mostly Dominicans). Worst city in Pennsylvania. You can hear a couple gunshots every now and then but its normal here. Literally here besides Mi Casa Restaurant. Pretty sure the bloods and crips both originated from here.
"Hey, let's never come back to Hazleton, like, ever again."
Hazleton by Sum fuckin hic June 14, 2018

hazletard 

1) noun: A mentally impaired person from Hazleton, Pennsylvania; 2) verb: to render something or somebody useless; 3) verb: to act mentally impaired while in the city limits of Hazleton, PA
A hazletard (definition 1) stole my quad, barrelled up City Hall's steps and hazletarded (def. 2 past-tense) the fucking bitch. The cops found him hazletarding (def. 3 past participle) down the block, from meth. I got to leave this fucking town!
hazletard by Hazletard-in-Chief October 11, 2010
"Your a fucking harlotte"
Harlett by Mason Beveridge February 25, 2004

Hazletonian cost-benefit analysis 

When a pimp seriously injures or kills his ho, thus losing money by not being able to pimp her out.
detective 1: I'm out here on Highland Road again, looking at another dead prostitute. What a waste.

detective 2: I know. That bitch could be making money sucking and fucking. At least a couple grand on Friday night, alone. It's a damn shame.

detective 1: I believe they call it Hazletonian cost-benefit analysis. It's a form of nigger logic.
Halette is the nicest girl in the world
Halette by Crisral March 15, 2017

bloody hazleton 

A form of mutual masturbation, in which heavily menstruating woman hangs upside-down while her male partner masturbates her. He catches any falling menstrual blood with his penis, which his partner uses as lubricant to masturbate him.
"Nothing makes my nuts bust, quite like a bloody hazleton."

--Jack Palance