the bible

"the book". a fictional work instructing people to be biased idiots so they can get into heaven and worship god for all eternity. though written by *ignorant, sexist, mentally unstable* men, the bible simultaneously acts as proof of god's existence and a testament of his will. the bible repeatedly plagiarizes pagan myths and contradicts itself, but despite all this, millions of people all over the earth hang to its every word (even the contradictory ones).

jesus loves you!!! christianity is the only right religion, i will pray for you. god hates homosexuality, but loves homosexuals, because to him all people are equal, but he hates the sin of homosexuality! praise jesus! lucifer is evil, he will try to lead you to evil, but you must stay strong and find jesus!hallelujah!

the bible by never_me April 30, 2005

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the bible

you people are so fucking smart aren't you? "The Bible is God's true and spoken word. Jesus Rawks!" Don't you understand it's not jeebus that is gonna save you, or buddha or fucking alaaaaaah either. Nothing is going to prevent the people of this world from killing each other. it's never going to stop. accept it, move on. figure out new and better ways to do it. but please for the love of humanity stop fucking looking for some cosmic being to come down and explain away gay people and muslims and all the other shit that you religious twats are too retarded to understand. Stop looking for ALMIGHTY GOD to come fix all the world's problems. Because you know what? It doesn't fucking matter if God exists or not. Hurricanes still blow down cities, tsunamis still tear the assholes out of island nations, oil companies and insurance agencies are gonna keep taking all our money and we aren't gonna do shit about it as long as we keep asking for Pat "Take em Down" Robertson to talk to GAWD for us!! Wake up, morons. Think for yourselves. Quit buying into this cultural bullshit that your parents are feeding you. You can't prove shit. Oh, and don't talk to me about "faith" okay. because faith is a great thing, no one can deny that. but you could have faith in my almighty ballsack and you'd do just as well. it's about US not GOD. that is all.

The bible says it is "God's word," and so does the koran and countless other books. So all you have to do is write something down, sign it," -God", and in 2000 years all your moron descendants will read it and say "See how it says '-God' at the end. No human being could have written this. It must really be God talking to us." Oh yeah, they will. Try it.

the bible by pdad October 4, 2005

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the bible

A really bad fiction book with main characters such as God, Jesus, and "the virgin" Mary.

Reading "The Bible" is an utter waste of time.

the bible by Godismybitchlacky June 22, 2008

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The Bible

A fictional book used to preach and teach good morals, but somehow along the way it was taken seriously by people, and for thousands of years people have been following and preaching its every fictional word.

Following the word of the Bible is no different than following the word of the Harry Potter series, as it is full of incredibly unrealistic magical works. But despite the many self-contradictions, hypocritical preachings and simply unreal magical occurrences, people are still willing to tell you that the Bible and God are real. Most of these people are willing to tell a perfectly respectable and logical person of any religion/race/ethnicity that they are automatically "going to hell."

They are also willing to BLINDLY believe anything that an official-looking person has to say.

Person 1: "DUDE! did you know there was a guy named Jonah who lived inside of a whale?! and that Moses parted the Red Sea with his magic powers?!"

Person 2: "Where did you hear that bullshit?"

Person 1: "It's not bullshit, I read it in the Bible so it must be true!"

The Bible by Justin Feld October 18, 2008