Monkey Branching

Getting your next relationship set up before dumping your current S/O. Generally involves cheating (at least emotionally) on your current partner with the intended future partner. Refers to playing on the monkeybars, where you don't let go of the first bar until you've grabbed on the second.

Bill: "Well, your brother just sent the Save The Dates for his third marriage - they haven't even finalized the divorce yet!"

Joe: "Yeah, the monkey branching SOB did the same for his second marriage as well - all his relationships 'overlap,' if ya know what I mean."

OR

Joe: "Sue and I decided to try an open relationship."

Bill: "I dunno, sounds like she's monkey branching to her *next* relationship."

by Mai Ainsel March 25, 2022

Monkey Beating An Engine With A Hammer

A parable passed down for generations describing the futility of the unintelligent to perform simple tasks.

Since ancient times, when an imbecile, ill-advised coworker or friend has attempted an assignment beyond their capabilities, they are often compared to a monkey endlessly trying to fix an engine that won't start by beating on it with a hammer, because monkeys do not possess the skills of a mechanic.

After being shown how twice, Dan never did learn how to open the fence, so it rained on him a few hours later. He was just like a Monkey Beating An Engine With A Hammer that day.

by Louisiana Gold December 21, 2008

Monkey Whacker

The brief but agressive reciprocal hand job delivered but two older men before they leave the sauna, quickly finishing before any other guests arrive.

Grandpa wanted to get into the cabin with Grandma but quickly pulled a Monkey Whacker with Fred to keep all parties happy.

by BobbyScott June 25, 2016

monkey ranch

This is a place that is disorderly and poorly run, with wild populations, such as a psychiatric facility or school without effective leadership

Lunch is over, see you back at the monkey ranch!

by I, Wreckerrr December 2, 2020

Monkey Nuts

A fully loaded 50 to 100 Round Drum Magazine for an Assault Rifle, Smg, or Pistol

"i got a New Ar-15 with monkey nuts hangin off the bottom"

by Brady_Rollies May 12, 2022

Monkey D Garp

Monkey D Garp is a character from One Piece. His job is more important to him than his family. He let his grandson Ace get executed even though he was innocent. Roger told Garp to protect Ace, and what did Garp do? He abandoned Ace and let a bunch of mountain bandits raise him. Garp gave his other grandson, Luffy, to the mountain bandits as well. Garp wanted his grandsons to become members of the marine but let criminals raise his grandsons, and then had the nerve to be angry that his grandsons became pirates. Even when Garp was sometimes paying visits to the mountain bandits, all he did was beat Luffy, Ace, and Sabo up. Overall, while Garp is strong and the "Hero of the Marine", he's a horrible grandfather. He failed both of his grandsons.

Person A: I hate Monkey D Garp!
Person B: Why?
Person A: He's a horrible Grandpa. He didn't even do the bare minimum for Ace and Luffy. He constantly abused them when he visited them and he let criminals raise them. If Garp really wanted his grandsons to become members of the marine, why was he so stupid that he let mountain bandits raise his grandsons? That's like wanting your grandsons to become police officers but making murderers and thieves raise them! Wtf Garp?

by Keltonsein July 21, 2023

monkey loader

A zoologist whose job it is to manually impregnate female monkeys using the sperm of male monkeys, utilizing hand-held pump devices which have a tendency to splatter.

*woman enters room drenched in a viscous, sticky, white fluid.*

Zoologist 1 : Oh my Lord !

Zoologist 2 : Relax, she's just a monkey loader having a bad day.

by Dragonwolf November 10, 2018