14 definitions by Mai Ainsel

Getting your next relationship set up before dumping your current S/O. Generally involves cheating (at least emotionally) on your current partner with the intended future partner. Refers to playing on the monkeybars, where you don't let go of the first bar until you've grabbed on the second.
Bill: "Well, your brother just sent the Save The Dates for his third marriage - they haven't even finalized the divorce yet!"

Joe: "Yeah, the monkey branching SOB did the same for his second marriage as well - all his relationships 'overlap,' if ya know what I mean."

OR

Joe: "Sue and I decided to try an open relationship."

Bill: "I dunno, sounds like she's monkey branching to her *next* relationship."
by Mai Ainsel March 26, 2022
A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a woman lets her own sexual interest in someone strongly color her judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in her. It makes her interpret every gesture from her object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as dickful thinking if it's a man.
Her: "So my one night stand from 3 weeks ago hasn't called me, even though I gave him my number and my email. He didn't give me his real name or contact info, but he mentioned he was a professor, so I looked through the online faculty profiles of every university in 100 miles, and found his picture. I think he'd like to see me again but just lost my contact info. Should I email him at the work address I found on the faculty website, or just show up and surprise him after one of his classes? I think he'd like being surprised like that."

Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."

Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."

Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."
by Mai Ainsel February 5, 2020
Someone who pretends to be your friend in the hopes that they can eventually manipulate your friendly attachment to them into a romantic relationship
"Bob keeps pretending to be friends with girls, then passive-aggressively trying to guilt them into dating him because he's such a Nice Guy. He's a real friendzone predator."
by Mai Ainsel June 28, 2020
A woman that a man gets into a relationship with primarily so she'll watch his kids from another relationship
Her: "Sorry, we have to cancel girls night. I forgot that Boyfriend has custody of his kids tonight and so I have to make them dinner, help them with their homework, and prepare their school lunch for tomorrow."

Friend: "Girl, he's using you as a bang nanny! DTMFA."
by Mai Ainsel October 21, 2019
A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a man lets his own sexual interest in someone strongly color his judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in him. It makes him interpret every gesture from his object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as clitful thinking if it's a woman.
Him: "So the new hot intern says 'good morning' to me when she comes in to work, and once commented on my desk picture of my kids - said they were cute. She's totally into me. I'm gonna try and hook up with her at the office party."

Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."

OR

Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."

Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."
by Mai Ainsel February 23, 2020
The cough/cold/flu everyone gets after going to Hajj, because you're stuffed up close with people from every corner of the world, and one of them is gonna have whatever flu virus it is that you aren't immune to
"I just got back from Hajj and I'm in bed with Hajj flu."
by Mai Ainsel February 9, 2020
Hard to explain. Basically means "who/whom" but with an implied "like I give a fuck" at the end.
Bob: "We better get out of here before the teacher catches us."
Joe: "Whomst?"
Bob: "You're right, who gives a shit?"

Suzy: "Oh look, Jane, your ex-boyfriend's at the club as well."
Jane: "Whomst?"
Suzy: "Hell yeah, girl! To hell with him."
by Mai Ainsel December 17, 2020