Tortoise Launcher 

Where defacating takes place into the inner workings of a high-powered vacuum. The vacuum is then set in the reverse operation to ejaculate your steaming excraments at very high velocity into the face of your loved one.

Dude, Wilbur totally screwed up my vacuum when he gave your girlfriend one wicked Tortoise Launcher.

Tortoise Launcher by Wyatt Erp January 21, 2010

Tortoise Kisses

When two guys really love and respect each other, they might show it by lightly touching the tips of their penises together in a display of trust, friendship and understanding.

Bill and Jeff are in the back giving each other tortoise kisses. They're really good friends.

Tortoise Kisses by TortoiseKisses January 21, 2011

Tortoise Diet 

One of the best reptilian animals. Foods include:

Mulberry leaves
Grape vine leaves
Hibiscus leaves
African hibiscus leaves
Blue hibiscus leaves
Rose of Sharon leaves
Rose leaves
Geraniums
Azania
Lavatera
Pansies
Petunias
Hostas
Honeysuckle
Cape honeysuckle
Leaves and blooms from any squash plant, like pumpkin, cucumber, summer squash, etc...
Young spineless opuntia cactus pads

Weeds:

There are so many!!!
Dandelion
Mallow
Filaree
Smooth Sow thistle
Prickly Sow thistle
Milk thistle
Goat head weed
Cats ear
Nettles
Trefoil
Wild onion
Wild mustard
Wild Garlic
Clovers
Broadleaf plantain
Narrow leaf plantain
Chick weed
Hawksbit
Hensbit
Hawksbeard
This is mostly for leopard tortoises and sulcata tortoises but for leopards less grass.

Tortoises need a big variety in their diet. Tortoise Diet

Tortoise Diet by #Animals4life January 21, 2018

tortoise nervosa 

The decline of motor skills and brain function the morning after the over consumption of alcoholic beverages the night before.

You: Did you see Sally today? She can barely hold her pen and is staring at a blank computer screen.

Me: Looks like a case of tortoise nervosa. Sally had one to many martinis at happy hour last night.

tortoise nervosa by Gucci13 August 13, 2009

tortoise tickler

When being anally fingered so deep that the finger reaches fecal matter.

We were in a gay tussle when he used the tortoise tickler, and then he had to stop to wash his hands.

tortoise tickler by Myspeakingpseudonym July 4, 2015

Tortoise man 

Yes

Tortoise man is yes

Tortoise man by Apacheattackhelicopter69420 December 26, 2019

tortoise-heading 

Needing to poo so urgently that you can hardly hold it in and it feels like the poo is poking out yr cheeks momentarily before sucking it back in.

I gotta shit so bad I'm tortoise-heading.

tortoise-heading by Miejo January 19, 2010