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Humphrey Hambone

Variations include: Humphrey Hambone, Humphrey, Hambone, clumsy dog, that dog puppet, glue i need glue

1) An excessively clumsy person. A bad luck magnet. Often, but not always, a person who does not follow simple common advice then ends up getting hurt, breaking something, and usually both.

2) A friend or acquaintance that seems to always need help or money. A loser that for some reason you keep helping out.

3) Someone who keep borrowing your things, does not return them, and when you finally get the item back it has been ruined.

4) A leech. Someone who cannot or does not want to take care of themselves so they keep screwing up. Often a grown up child that needs mom to pay their debts, or a girlfriend that "can't seem to balance a checkbook". A selfish martyr.

Origins: Humphrey Hambone was a dog puppet created by news anchor Pat McCormick for his one-minute public service announcements on KGO-TV and KTVU-TV. Most of them consisted of Humphrey doing something stupid and Charley Horse (his friend, another puppet) turning to the camera and making a pithy statement about what Humphrey did that was foolish.
Humphrey is best remembered as the clumsy dog that yells out "Glue, I need glue!" after breaking an antique lamp that he did not have permission to use (Charlie famously yells out "You're going to need lots of glue.").
"Humphrey: I said I borrowed it without asking. Worry wart.
*big sneeze* *big crash*
Glue, I need glue!"

"Stoner 1: I can't get this Tupperware open. I need something to pry it open with. *picks up a glass pipe*
Stoner 2: Give me that! I am not going to let you Humphrey my $50 glass pipe on a $2 bowl of Cheetos. *hands him a knife*"

"Chump: It's 2 in the morning, and I have to work tomorrow. Why are you calling me?!
Stoner 2: Can you drive us to the Hospital? Humphrey Hambone here just accidently stabbed himself with a kitchen knife.
Chump: Why can't you drive him?
Stoner 2: I can't drive right now. I was trying to use crazy glue to close the wound, but I ended up gluing my hands together.
Chump: Clumsy dog. Alright, but this is the last time I bale you guys out."

"Chump: Shit, why are the cops pulling me over? I just mailed out my registration.
Stoner 2: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I ran over the mailbox and none of the mail went out.
Stoner 1: Should I ditch the bloody knife?
Chump: You, Hambone! Why the hell did you bring that with you?
Stoner 2: So we could explain to the doctor why we didn't use this glass pipe.
Police loudspeaker: PULL OVER YOUR VEHICLE NOW!
Chump: Oh, shit! You guys seem to have to Myass touch.
Stoner 2: Not anymore. I remembered to wash my hands before trying to glue his wound closed."
by The Neutral Christ June 11, 2010
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shit hammock

shitting on a piece of saran wrap and hanging it across an empty doorway for someone unsuspecting to walk into.
by Fuktupkid July 2, 2008
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Related Words

banana hammock

I have to lose the winter tire, so my banana hammock still fits.
by speedolover January 12, 2007
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Hamnah

Common myths beleive Hamnah to mean purple grape, yet those who have encountered this phenomenon of a homosapien are now aware that "Hamnah" is more suited to yellow grape, owning to its unusual skin pigmentation. Hamnah originates from Iran, (previously known as Persia), yet some still maintain its origin is from China. Hamnah is an alternative to evil, and some ancient myths put it above Satan himself. Moreover, Hamnah is also when somebody is able to distract an acedemic scholar for over 20 hours in one week. Moreover, some believe that Hamnah to have various oxymoronic elements.
OMG, a hamnah is coming, thats 20 hours of my week wasted.
Oxymoronic traits: NiceHamnah, Beautiful Hamnah
by Mitul + Ravi March 22, 2008
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ass hammock

When your cat lays on your thighs and uses your ass as a pillow and takes a nap.
"Dude, I don't want to freak you out, but yer cat used you as an ass hammock last night."
by Sir HIIMX August 26, 2009
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Hammond

Pulling a Hammond, whereby someone of a much older age has a "physical" relationship with someone of a much younger age. Generally a teacher to student association.
Mike: That guy is like 40 years old
Patrick: Yea, he pulled a Hammond with that girl T Mac in our grade.
Mike: OH GROSS!
John: I know right
by TigerballZpants December 19, 2008
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hammoking

The action of a girl licking from a mans butt hole to his balls and proceeding with a blow job.
hammoking is when a girl is giving a rim job then goes to a blow job but her tung never leaves the body
by Zach Woods October 20, 2007
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