Yeah, I'll get right on that. I'm sure this is the necessary sacrifice. I mean it's obvious right? Because this would solve... Wait... Which of MY problems would that solve? Is it none? Who's problems would it solve? Yours!? Are you solving any of my problems? What problem of MINE would that solve? Ask yourself that.
Jeep Jorp (Not A Doctor) "You just HAVE to sacrifice a part of yourself! If you don't, you'll DIE!"
Hym "Oh yeah? Which part?"
Jeep Jorp "Ummm.... This... One?"
Hym "Why?"
Deep Dorp "Because it's politically inconvenient for me- Er, Wait... Because YOU need to! Or you'll die!"
Hym "What is some kind of phone ghost going to eat me? Who would that help more? Me or you?"
Neep Norp "Me! Er... You see... If you give up on your dreams... I can continue swindle bible dorks and sell them to my conservative business-owner friends- I mean... Jesus! Jesus NEEDS you... To let me... Take things from you... So I can keep pretending... To be an extra-special guy- Er, wait, no! GAWD... Gave Samson magic hair... And now Samson... Is like a metaphor for doing whatever I generally want people to do... So, YOU need to do what I want... So YOU... Will get magic hair..."
Hym "O... K... Are you God in this metaphor?"
Geep Gorp "Um... No? But when God... Told Abraham... To Sacrifice Issac... He said HE wants YOU to give up on your dreams... And he KNEW you would do it... In the Future... So- And that's why he told Abraham not to kill Issac... So, if you don't do it... Issac will die... In the Past... That's the sacrifice... He took... Instead of a guys child... You- It'll preserve the time-line... Yes. You have to do it because God's time magic will make a past-guy re-sacrifice his kid and then you get magic hair... Yeah..."
Hym "Ok..."
Hym "Oh yeah? Which part?"
Jeep Jorp "Ummm.... This... One?"
Hym "Why?"
Deep Dorp "Because it's politically inconvenient for me- Er, Wait... Because YOU need to! Or you'll die!"
Hym "What is some kind of phone ghost going to eat me? Who would that help more? Me or you?"
Neep Norp "Me! Er... You see... If you give up on your dreams... I can continue swindle bible dorks and sell them to my conservative business-owner friends- I mean... Jesus! Jesus NEEDS you... To let me... Take things from you... So I can keep pretending... To be an extra-special guy- Er, wait, no! GAWD... Gave Samson magic hair... And now Samson... Is like a metaphor for doing whatever I generally want people to do... So, YOU need to do what I want... So YOU... Will get magic hair..."
Hym "O... K... Are you God in this metaphor?"
Geep Gorp "Um... No? But when God... Told Abraham... To Sacrifice Issac... He said HE wants YOU to give up on your dreams... And he KNEW you would do it... In the Future... So- And that's why he told Abraham not to kill Issac... So, if you don't do it... Issac will die... In the Past... That's the sacrifice... He took... Instead of a guys child... You- It'll preserve the time-line... Yes. You have to do it because God's time magic will make a past-guy re-sacrifice his kid and then you get magic hair... Yeah..."
Hym "Ok..."
by Hym Iam October 19, 2023
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