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Jesus H. Christ

"I am God."
- Jesus H. Christ
by Andrew Whiteingale W w00t February 26, 2025
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jesus

That one guy that doesn't exist lol
religious guy; Hey be respectful, Jesus exist
Atheist; sure, so Santa exists too haha
Religious guy again: you're going to die because God exist, and you'll regret of saying this, you're going to hell.

Atheist: uh-

Religious guy: Anyways remember that God loves everyone, send you blesses 😍🤗✝️
by whoisalex? November 6, 2021
mugGet the jesusmug.

Jesus's spizzim

When you jizz with no control, even though she said she’s not on birth control.
Yo dude, I just Jesus's spizzim , she did tell me she’s not on birth control; I just couldn’t help it.
by Kachowism August 10, 2024
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Jesus Hippos

I saw some jesus hippos walking around in the Atlantic ocean.
by El Gaupo April 26, 2023
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Jesus Eyes

A person in the 7th grade that likes to stare at burritos like they are jusus
Me: Oh my gosh Ellie Carter is totally Jesuseyeing that burrito

Ellie: Totally!!
Me: We should nickname him jesus eyes!
by Jesuseye's best friend February 4, 2017
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Jesus Squee

Any over-enthusiastic literature or preaching by any Christian faction.
Watchtower is both Jesus Squee and Fundie Fanfic.

"Take yer Jesus Squee and ram it, darned Witnesses"
by Kahless the Unforgettable October 16, 2008
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Jesus Christ

Yes, it's multiple parts this one...

*The wilderness*

Lucifer "Oh what in the fuck is it now!?"

Jesus "Hey man! Long time no see! What's it been? 30 years? I'm a guy now."

Lucifer "This is what you've been doing!? You can't be a guy!"

Jesus "I am. I'm Jesus Christ now."
Lucifer "JESUS CHRIST!"

Jesus "Yep."

Lucifer "Jesus Christ! This is ridiculous. You can't be a guy. Change back! Change back immediately!"

Jesus "Oho can't I? Are you my dad now? Ok father. I won't be a guy *Father*."

Father "I don't need to be your father to- Wait... *Father* YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are you going to do!? What are THEY going to do!? They are going to fuck your shit up!"

Jesus "Oh I know."

Father 😨

Jesus 🤨

Father "What the fuck is happening right now..."

Jesus "Uuuuummmm I'm a guy now. I did some cool stuff. They're going to kill me. And.. then... I'm... Gonna... I donno... I'll just come back or something. Or not. Or come back for a bit and then go back and then come back later. It's gonna be tight!"

Father "Jesus Christ... That is fucking stupid man. Absolutely dumb. Why would you come here just to let em kill you?"

Jesus "Save me then idiot! Heheheh!"

Lucifer "No. No, I'm not going to save you from- What is there to even save you from?"

Jesus "Exactly. Hey, we're having a party man you should come out! We got... Um... Bread. We're gonna split a bottle of wine between... Well, between the 14 of us I guess. It's gonna be dope."

Father "TSK! Getthefuckouttaherewiththat! No! NO! I'm not going to 'party' and I'm not going to be a part of any of this."

Jesus "Your loss man parties are fun."

Father 😨

Jesus "Alright man I'll see you later." 😌🖐

Father 😨
by Hym Iam August 9, 2023
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