Penis Monkey

A mythical creature in the stories told around 2000 years ago about a legendary monkey that has god-like/omnipotent powers that will walk up to you in your dreams and steal your penis if you're a bad kid. Although it's just a tale that teaches kids to be good, this phenomena has shown up in many photos from the early 1860s to 1970s, only to disappear completely from every photo 69 hours later, after the picture was taken. Although having unlimited power would make you have every power imaginable and every power unimaginable, he only recorded powers are as follows:

-Teleportation
-The ability to make the skin of your penis roll up on itself and shred apart.
-Monky
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-Ability to show himself in dreams.
-Ability to erase evidence of his existence.
-Immortality/Invincibility

Derek: Dude, what happened, why were you in the hospital?
James: T-the p-p-penis m-monkey got me.
Derek: Who? What are you talking about?
James: MY PENIS I-IT'S GONE!!
Derek: D: oh no
Tyrone: What happened?
Derek: Penis Monkey.

Penis Monkey by poopoo monkey machine man May 26, 2020

uncircumcised monkey penis 

A fabulous piece of machinery that is all natural and organic. It gets the name money because it has hair like a monkey's for comfort pleasure.

My friend has a nice uncircumcised monkey penis, it gave me and his girlfriend good pleasure at work yesterday.

uncircumcised monkey penis by Mr.grittypants69 April 29, 2022

Solid Gold Monkey 

1. A monkey made of solid gold.

2. A production company "Solid Golden Monkey Productions"

3. A X-Box Live gamertag

"One day the Solid Gold Monkeys will attack us."

Solid Gold Monkey by Tim Butterworth January 25, 2008

Banging the Monkey 

1. A hopeless situation with no satisfactory solution
2. To fail spectacularly, as in 'screw the pooch'
3. To continue fighting though you cannot win
4. A legendary bout of partying

"Beating your head against the wall, fully aware your
cause was already lost. This was banging the monkey."

Banging the Monkey by Cooney Bamboo January 21, 2020

ditch monkey 

The lowest pecking order of social class. Someone who wouldn't hesitate to snort a line of cocaine off a toilet seat while giving a bum a hand job.

"If that worthless ditch monkey didn't smell like urine and heroin farts, I would offer to buy him a meal."

ditch monkey by Kneezel July 16, 2008

hip to the monkey 

To be in the know. To know the scoop behind the scenes. To know what's really going on.

She told me they were all filled up, but I was hip to the monkey on their little scam.

hip to the monkey by alex brinkman August 5, 2005

The Penis Monkey challenge

The act of competing against others by attempting to successfully perform the "Penis Monkey Surgery" the quickest.

Man 1: "Did you see Tommy's new time on the Penis Monkey Challenge?"

Man 2: "Yes, I believe his time was 1:38!"

The Penis Monkey challenge by Johnny Asswipe IV March 8, 2021