Twi-light Twahy Crap
-Noun
1. A Disney Hannah Montana Monstrosity made solely for 13 year old girls with no ambition in life.
2. A series of books that will take your breath away and fill it with the stench of a 1/2 eaten camels torso covered in feces.
3. Cartoon vampires that would lose in a fight against baby bunnies and duckies.
4. Robert Pattinson whose acting resembles a retarded giraffe with PMS.
5. Instead of blood, the movie sucks 122 min of your life. The next day you wake up and realize you've been rapped in the mind.
-Noun
1. A Disney Hannah Montana Monstrosity made solely for 13 year old girls with no ambition in life.
2. A series of books that will take your breath away and fill it with the stench of a 1/2 eaten camels torso covered in feces.
3. Cartoon vampires that would lose in a fight against baby bunnies and duckies.
4. Robert Pattinson whose acting resembles a retarded giraffe with PMS.
5. Instead of blood, the movie sucks 122 min of your life. The next day you wake up and realize you've been rapped in the mind.
by Staticash April 23, 2009
Get the Twilight The Movie mug.A person, usually a teenage boy, who's social life, and possibly other aspects of his life have been destroyed by the movie "Twilight".
This has happened because the friends-that-are-girls of this man have become completely addicted to everything and anything that has to do with the movie "Twilight". These friends may wear articles of black or dark blue clothing that say completely stupid phrases like, "Your scent is like a drug to me", "I'd never given much thought to how I would die... But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go", or, "You are my life now". The Twilight Victim has no idea what significance these phrases have, and most Twilight Victims haven't even seen the movie. They learn to hate the parts of the movie that the girls mention most. The girls only mention certain parts to the Twilight Victim, the parts that the girl knows will piss off the guy the most.
The friends are also characterized by:
1) Comparing the way people look to Edward Cullen and Isabella Who-Gives-A-Shit
2) Threatening to "Cut you up and burn you", if you don't "Get in the sunlight and sparkle"
3) Getting mad at ME for wearing sexy sunglasses, then yelling at me that I need to take them off and give them back to Edward Cullen
4) Having an obsession with red apples
5) Dropping red apples on their foot and trying to make it pop back into their hand
6) For some reason, they like really old rusty beat-up red pickup trucks
7) Love cloudy/rainy days
8) Like to bite
9) Carrying around glitter to throw on guys
10) Have an Edward Cullen poster that, suspiciously, has make-up all over Edward's face
These friends basically ruin the Twilight Victim's (also known as Twictim) life because they never shut the fuck up about retarded things, like how gorgeous Edward Cullen is, even though he looks like a freak.
A Twictim also has many good defensive arguments as to why Twilight is bullshit. Some of these may include, but are not limited to:
1) Men don't sparkle
2) Apples don't bounce
3) Men don't sparkle
4) The only way to kill a vampire is to DRIVE A WOODEN STAKE THROUGH IT'S HEART!!
5) Men honestly don't sparkle. They just don't
6) Twilight has NO plotline. It is a series of events happening between two not-so-good looking people. And one of those people sucks blood
7) The entire Cullen family looks like they're made of wax. What is attractive about that?
8) My sunglasses are NOT Edward Cullen's
9) They don't fly. They jump/glide/float. Do you see them flapping their wings? No. Do you know why? Because they're not really vampires, and they don't have wings like vampires are supposed to have!!!
10) And finally, men DO NOT sparkle. No. Never will. Never. I'm sorry
Twictims sometimes lash out against these girls by writing things such as, "Edward Cullen sucks" and "Twilight sucks". Sometimes he may even go as far as destroying the girls handwritten fan fiction, which may consist of simply drawn naked pictures of Edward Cullen sitting on the girl's lap. It is enough to make anyone cry.
PLEASE HELP THE CAUSE:
Twictimism is a horrible disease that ravages millions of innocent teenage boys every year. Whenever you see a Twilight DVD, break it. If you see a poster, burn it. Slap girls when they speak of Twilight. Twictimism is a curable disease, but we need your help.
This has happened because the friends-that-are-girls of this man have become completely addicted to everything and anything that has to do with the movie "Twilight". These friends may wear articles of black or dark blue clothing that say completely stupid phrases like, "Your scent is like a drug to me", "I'd never given much thought to how I would die... But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go", or, "You are my life now". The Twilight Victim has no idea what significance these phrases have, and most Twilight Victims haven't even seen the movie. They learn to hate the parts of the movie that the girls mention most. The girls only mention certain parts to the Twilight Victim, the parts that the girl knows will piss off the guy the most.
The friends are also characterized by:
1) Comparing the way people look to Edward Cullen and Isabella Who-Gives-A-Shit
2) Threatening to "Cut you up and burn you", if you don't "Get in the sunlight and sparkle"
3) Getting mad at ME for wearing sexy sunglasses, then yelling at me that I need to take them off and give them back to Edward Cullen
4) Having an obsession with red apples
5) Dropping red apples on their foot and trying to make it pop back into their hand
6) For some reason, they like really old rusty beat-up red pickup trucks
7) Love cloudy/rainy days
8) Like to bite
9) Carrying around glitter to throw on guys
10) Have an Edward Cullen poster that, suspiciously, has make-up all over Edward's face
These friends basically ruin the Twilight Victim's (also known as Twictim) life because they never shut the fuck up about retarded things, like how gorgeous Edward Cullen is, even though he looks like a freak.
A Twictim also has many good defensive arguments as to why Twilight is bullshit. Some of these may include, but are not limited to:
1) Men don't sparkle
2) Apples don't bounce
3) Men don't sparkle
4) The only way to kill a vampire is to DRIVE A WOODEN STAKE THROUGH IT'S HEART!!
5) Men honestly don't sparkle. They just don't
6) Twilight has NO plotline. It is a series of events happening between two not-so-good looking people. And one of those people sucks blood
7) The entire Cullen family looks like they're made of wax. What is attractive about that?
8) My sunglasses are NOT Edward Cullen's
9) They don't fly. They jump/glide/float. Do you see them flapping their wings? No. Do you know why? Because they're not really vampires, and they don't have wings like vampires are supposed to have!!!
10) And finally, men DO NOT sparkle. No. Never will. Never. I'm sorry
Twictims sometimes lash out against these girls by writing things such as, "Edward Cullen sucks" and "Twilight sucks". Sometimes he may even go as far as destroying the girls handwritten fan fiction, which may consist of simply drawn naked pictures of Edward Cullen sitting on the girl's lap. It is enough to make anyone cry.
PLEASE HELP THE CAUSE:
Twictimism is a horrible disease that ravages millions of innocent teenage boys every year. Whenever you see a Twilight DVD, break it. If you see a poster, burn it. Slap girls when they speak of Twilight. Twictimism is a curable disease, but we need your help.
My Twihard Friend: "Hey, what's up?"
Me(Twilight Victim): "Nothin' much. It's sunny out today."
Twihard: "I know...I hate it."
Me: "Yah, I'd hate it too if I was wearing a jet black shirt like that."
Twihard: "Well, that's not why I hate today. It's too sunny. It's not vampire weather. It's hardly ever sunny in Forks."
Me: "Forks? Where the hell is that!? And what does that shirt say...? 'Your scent is like a drug to me.' What's that supposed to mean?"
Twihard: "Exactly what it says."
Me: "You smell like a drug? Wait..." *sniffs the Twihard* "Gross! It SMELLS like you've been wearing that shirt for a month!"
Twihard: *sigh* "That's cus I have. I love this shirt."
Me: "Gross! I can't hang around with you anymore, I'm sorry. I just can't take this Twihard thing. Do you realize how stupid that movie is!?"
Twihard: "Yes, yes, you've explained it several times. But I don't care what you think. Twilight is the best thing to ever happen, you just haven't come to the light yet."
Me: "And I hope to God I never will. Anyways, bye. It was nice knowing you."
Twihard: "Hey, take off Edward's glasses!"
The Twictim in this situation has just lost one of his friends, thereby dropping a piece of his social life. This may continue, bit by bit, until his life has been ravaged by Twictimism
Me(Twilight Victim): "Nothin' much. It's sunny out today."
Twihard: "I know...I hate it."
Me: "Yah, I'd hate it too if I was wearing a jet black shirt like that."
Twihard: "Well, that's not why I hate today. It's too sunny. It's not vampire weather. It's hardly ever sunny in Forks."
Me: "Forks? Where the hell is that!? And what does that shirt say...? 'Your scent is like a drug to me.' What's that supposed to mean?"
Twihard: "Exactly what it says."
Me: "You smell like a drug? Wait..." *sniffs the Twihard* "Gross! It SMELLS like you've been wearing that shirt for a month!"
Twihard: *sigh* "That's cus I have. I love this shirt."
Me: "Gross! I can't hang around with you anymore, I'm sorry. I just can't take this Twihard thing. Do you realize how stupid that movie is!?"
Twihard: "Yes, yes, you've explained it several times. But I don't care what you think. Twilight is the best thing to ever happen, you just haven't come to the light yet."
Me: "And I hope to God I never will. Anyways, bye. It was nice knowing you."
Twihard: "Hey, take off Edward's glasses!"
The Twictim in this situation has just lost one of his friends, thereby dropping a piece of his social life. This may continue, bit by bit, until his life has been ravaged by Twictimism
by Simian Infernus June 3, 2009
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The entire series is just Meyer (no - wait, my mistake - Bella) swooning over how lucky she is to have such a great he man (aka strong fag), Edward. Edward is from a clan of pussy vampires who never drink human blood. They also have no other vampiristic qualities, so they might as well be Chupacabras. THEN there's the Blacks, an Indian Tribe (so Meyer's got her mix of negro-allusions and redskins) which prominently features Jacob, a boy who, aside from loving Bella for no good reason, is...um... a vampire/shapeshifter?
So Edward is (aside from incredibly beautiful and gorgeous and oh-so-Adonis) very stony. He's often compared to marble, granite and limestone. Alright, not limestone. That's me.
Bella is your ho-hum average bitch with nothing better to do than fall in front of cars, rapists, other vampires, werewolf/transformers and other unbelievable scenarios. She always has Mr. Sparkles to get her ass outta trouble.
Breaking Dawn was the shit (literally). She fawns over Edward and when they do it, they get it DONE. Edward beats the bloody mess out of her without her noticing because I guess getting fucked by a marble cock is mezmerizing enough to not notice you're being bruised like a beat-down banana. Ed is too afraid to hump her again, but Bella seduces him (???~!!!!) with the sorriest lines and he does her again. This time he can focus his horny powers and busts the headboard open. And, oh yeah, bites pillows. Because to 12-30+ year old women, men who bite pillows are fierce lovemakers. Honestly, I'd be wondering what the fuck his problem was.
I stopped there (I'd been looking for reading-porn, but this was ridiculous) but from what I heard, Bella goes all Alien and has a kid go BLAM from her cooch in a hard placenta. She spits up "fountains" (meyer's own words) of blood. Nice. But the bitch don't die.
In the end a huge, built up battle never happens, Jacob Black is destined to fall in love with their kid (further enforcing Meyer's pedo dreams) and Bella and Edward have buttsex till the nerves in her ass go raw.
Meyer is a vain, self-inserting, mormopedophile. It's a good idea that went wrong after the first sentence. I picked up that book when I heard the concept (BEFORE it got popular) and put it down the same day. Someone had to force me to read the damn thing later. I knew nothing of literature at the time - all I knew was that it sucked heavy ass. When we've got the same people who recommend The Catcher in the Rye or Harry Potter or a Clockwork Orange recommending this bullshit, I seriously fear for our future. And I may sound overdramatic with that, but I'm dead serious. Me and my few not-Twitarded friends fight HARD because that book is seriously embarrassing. I thought Sarah Dessen was bad, but Meyer is fucked in the head.
So Edward is (aside from incredibly beautiful and gorgeous and oh-so-Adonis) very stony. He's often compared to marble, granite and limestone. Alright, not limestone. That's me.
Bella is your ho-hum average bitch with nothing better to do than fall in front of cars, rapists, other vampires, werewolf/transformers and other unbelievable scenarios. She always has Mr. Sparkles to get her ass outta trouble.
Breaking Dawn was the shit (literally). She fawns over Edward and when they do it, they get it DONE. Edward beats the bloody mess out of her without her noticing because I guess getting fucked by a marble cock is mezmerizing enough to not notice you're being bruised like a beat-down banana. Ed is too afraid to hump her again, but Bella seduces him (???~!!!!) with the sorriest lines and he does her again. This time he can focus his horny powers and busts the headboard open. And, oh yeah, bites pillows. Because to 12-30+ year old women, men who bite pillows are fierce lovemakers. Honestly, I'd be wondering what the fuck his problem was.
I stopped there (I'd been looking for reading-porn, but this was ridiculous) but from what I heard, Bella goes all Alien and has a kid go BLAM from her cooch in a hard placenta. She spits up "fountains" (meyer's own words) of blood. Nice. But the bitch don't die.
In the end a huge, built up battle never happens, Jacob Black is destined to fall in love with their kid (further enforcing Meyer's pedo dreams) and Bella and Edward have buttsex till the nerves in her ass go raw.
Meyer is a vain, self-inserting, mormopedophile. It's a good idea that went wrong after the first sentence. I picked up that book when I heard the concept (BEFORE it got popular) and put it down the same day. Someone had to force me to read the damn thing later. I knew nothing of literature at the time - all I knew was that it sucked heavy ass. When we've got the same people who recommend The Catcher in the Rye or Harry Potter or a Clockwork Orange recommending this bullshit, I seriously fear for our future. And I may sound overdramatic with that, but I'm dead serious. Me and my few not-Twitarded friends fight HARD because that book is seriously embarrassing. I thought Sarah Dessen was bad, but Meyer is fucked in the head.
Twilight sucks more ass than a vacuum glued to JLo.
Even Robert Pattinson knows it's stupid, he's said it himself.
Stephenie Meyer is a pedophile and I hope she reads this so she'll know that we know her secret. Making kids fall in love with people that old, WHAT'S HER MOTHERFUCKIN PROBLEM?
Edward loves the whisper song because when he banged Bella, he really beat the pussy up.
Even Robert Pattinson knows it's stupid, he's said it himself.
Stephenie Meyer is a pedophile and I hope she reads this so she'll know that we know her secret. Making kids fall in love with people that old, WHAT'S HER MOTHERFUCKIN PROBLEM?
Edward loves the whisper song because when he banged Bella, he really beat the pussy up.
by talking space monkeys August 13, 2008
Get the Twilight mug.A series of "books" written by Stephenie Meyer.
Plot- Bella Swan moves to Forks, Washington and falls in love with a vampire who goes to her new school. Most of the plot can be told in a single chapter, but there are four books.
Characters:
Bella Swan- Clumsy and depressed highschool girl who can't defend herself and needs Edward to depend on.
Edward Cullen- A broody vampire who falls in love with Bella even though he wants to drink her blood.
Jacob Black- A werewolf who is jealous of Edward and doesn't seem to understand if Bella didn't want him then, she doesn't want him now.
Message- Most of the message is that it's very important to find the person of your dreams. Another big part of the message is that women are incapable and must have their man to be around to protect them all the time.
Rumors- A lot of people say Twilight was ripped off from a lot of other Sci-fi and fantasy TV shows.
Example- Season 1 episode 7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy finds out her boyfriend is a vampire and other evil vampires set out to kill them both. ONE episode of Buffy is FOUR books of Twilight.
Author- Stephenie Meyer had a dream and wrote it out so she wouldn't forget. Out of boredom, she wrote out what would happen if the dream had continued. She then published it as a book and skipped the entire writing process.
Plot- Bella Swan moves to Forks, Washington and falls in love with a vampire who goes to her new school. Most of the plot can be told in a single chapter, but there are four books.
Characters:
Bella Swan- Clumsy and depressed highschool girl who can't defend herself and needs Edward to depend on.
Edward Cullen- A broody vampire who falls in love with Bella even though he wants to drink her blood.
Jacob Black- A werewolf who is jealous of Edward and doesn't seem to understand if Bella didn't want him then, she doesn't want him now.
Message- Most of the message is that it's very important to find the person of your dreams. Another big part of the message is that women are incapable and must have their man to be around to protect them all the time.
Rumors- A lot of people say Twilight was ripped off from a lot of other Sci-fi and fantasy TV shows.
Example- Season 1 episode 7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy finds out her boyfriend is a vampire and other evil vampires set out to kill them both. ONE episode of Buffy is FOUR books of Twilight.
Author- Stephenie Meyer had a dream and wrote it out so she wouldn't forget. Out of boredom, she wrote out what would happen if the dream had continued. She then published it as a book and skipped the entire writing process.
The Twilight saga:
Twilight: Bella falls in love with Edward and he protects her from evil vampires.
New Moon: Edward does ONE right thing for Bella and leaves her, but she can't do anything on her own she throws a year long tantrum over a boy she'd known for a couple months. She then leads on Jacob and throws him away when Edward comes back.
Eclipse: More evil vampires come. Edward kills them. Jacob is still jealous.
Breaking Dawn: More evil vampires come and Edward kills them. Jacob is still jealous. Instead of having an amazing ending, Bella becomes a vampire and has a baby. That's the ending.
Twilight: Bella falls in love with Edward and he protects her from evil vampires.
New Moon: Edward does ONE right thing for Bella and leaves her, but she can't do anything on her own she throws a year long tantrum over a boy she'd known for a couple months. She then leads on Jacob and throws him away when Edward comes back.
Eclipse: More evil vampires come. Edward kills them. Jacob is still jealous.
Breaking Dawn: More evil vampires come and Edward kills them. Jacob is still jealous. Instead of having an amazing ending, Bella becomes a vampire and has a baby. That's the ending.
by dhgatghuaerohar5gh'R5'ah August 16, 2011
Get the The Twilight Saga mug.Everyone seems to refer to Twilight (the people who hate it, that is) as a stupid book for teenie-boppers that makes 13 year old girls brainwashed.
And people say 13 year olds have absolutely no idea whats wrong with Twilight and that they're all stupid and don't know good literature and that the "teenie-boppers" are blind to Bella's Mary-Sueness.
Thats partially true.
1) Fuck you. I'm 13.
2) Bella is a nagging, whiny, Mary Sue who says corny things and needs to stfu already about banging Edward. All she wants is to get some. In Breaking Dawn she DID get some, and got knocked up.
Then she gave birth to the mutant, showoffy, "look at me, I'm one month old and I can speak in proper sentences!" Nessie that Jacob unfortunately has to be the soulmate of.
Edward is boring and wears khaki pants and thinks he can get away with it.
It has no morals or actual point.
The AMAZINGG ending of the AMAZING story?:
Bella becomes a vampire soccermom, Edward finally got laid, Rosalie almost killed Bella with a scalpel (too bad she didnt) and there was absolutely NO AWESOME WAR,
Seriously. I wanted a fucking war. I wanted the Volturi's limbs to be flying everywhere as the Cullens get torn apart in a tangle of Werewolves and sparkly people.
But no. Breaking Dawn was wedding, knocked up, Nessie, the end.
Also, Stephenie Meyer spoils Bella with dresses, amazing weddings, fancy food and pretty much give Stephenie Meyer whatever she wants.
LAME.
I'd write more but I need to go.
Dont give me a thumbsdown, you know its true, fangirls.
Alsooo,
STFU about this "13 year old teenie bopper"s hit.
I'm 13 and I'm not a fucking fangirl.
And people say 13 year olds have absolutely no idea whats wrong with Twilight and that they're all stupid and don't know good literature and that the "teenie-boppers" are blind to Bella's Mary-Sueness.
Thats partially true.
1) Fuck you. I'm 13.
2) Bella is a nagging, whiny, Mary Sue who says corny things and needs to stfu already about banging Edward. All she wants is to get some. In Breaking Dawn she DID get some, and got knocked up.
Then she gave birth to the mutant, showoffy, "look at me, I'm one month old and I can speak in proper sentences!" Nessie that Jacob unfortunately has to be the soulmate of.
Edward is boring and wears khaki pants and thinks he can get away with it.
It has no morals or actual point.
The AMAZINGG ending of the AMAZING story?:
Bella becomes a vampire soccermom, Edward finally got laid, Rosalie almost killed Bella with a scalpel (too bad she didnt) and there was absolutely NO AWESOME WAR,
Seriously. I wanted a fucking war. I wanted the Volturi's limbs to be flying everywhere as the Cullens get torn apart in a tangle of Werewolves and sparkly people.
But no. Breaking Dawn was wedding, knocked up, Nessie, the end.
Also, Stephenie Meyer spoils Bella with dresses, amazing weddings, fancy food and pretty much give Stephenie Meyer whatever she wants.
LAME.
I'd write more but I need to go.
Dont give me a thumbsdown, you know its true, fangirls.
Alsooo,
STFU about this "13 year old teenie bopper"s hit.
I'm 13 and I'm not a fucking fangirl.
Twilight is amazing, somehow. I'll never let go of it. Even though I now opened my eyes to its TOTAL SUCKAGE.
Well, with Bella and Edward atleast.
The Volturi are pretty flyyyy.
Well, with Bella and Edward atleast.
The Volturi are pretty flyyyy.
by myspace.com/missmurder046 November 3, 2008
Get the Twilight mug.A book that Stephanie Meyer wrote based on a dream she had. No wonder why this book is so cliche!
Twilight is really all about sex and female sexual desires. Though, you have to be more of a deep reader to understand. I know, "How the hell is Twilight deep?!" It's not. But, there are some symbols in the book. For one, the way Edward wants to bite Bella is an analogy of how much a guy will want to have sex with a girl he likes. Biting=banging. Also, the way Edward always saves Bella whenever she's in trouble just shows how pathetic us women think when it comes to love. Hello, your boyfriend isn't going to be there to save you every time some bastards on the street try to harass you!!!
As a writer myself who has read a wide variety of books in her lifetime, I can say with confidence that Twilight is the worst piece of shit "liturature" I have ever read.
Twilight is really all about sex and female sexual desires. Though, you have to be more of a deep reader to understand. I know, "How the hell is Twilight deep?!" It's not. But, there are some symbols in the book. For one, the way Edward wants to bite Bella is an analogy of how much a guy will want to have sex with a girl he likes. Biting=banging. Also, the way Edward always saves Bella whenever she's in trouble just shows how pathetic us women think when it comes to love. Hello, your boyfriend isn't going to be there to save you every time some bastards on the street try to harass you!!!
As a writer myself who has read a wide variety of books in her lifetime, I can say with confidence that Twilight is the worst piece of shit "liturature" I have ever read.
Girl 1: So, what have you been reading lately?
Girl 2: I'm reading Twilight! Edward is sooo hot!!
Girl 1: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
Girl 2: I'm reading Twilight! Edward is sooo hot!!
Girl 1: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
by TheLitChick July 29, 2009
Get the twilight mug.Utterly unrealistic expectations in relationships based upon a fictional vampire named Edward, making the best of men feel completely inadequate.
First guy, "Dude! "My girl has lost her mind. She expects way too much and complains about how she wants me to be more like "Edward."
Other guy: "Dude, she has got The Twilight Syndrome."
Other guy: "Dude, she has got The Twilight Syndrome."
by Dootwo August 21, 2009
Get the Twilight Syndrome mug.