hipster calisthenics

That time when you have to do lunges, squats, and knee lifts in your skinny jeans to prevent your pants from cutting off circulation to your legs.

"I think the dryer may have shrunk my Dickie's, I'd better do some hipster calisthenics."

by phantomg6 March 11, 2013

Hipstercrite

Someone who criticizes Nike for their labour practices and then buys an iPhone.

Alice: I refuse to buy Nike shoes, they're overpriced and they use child labour.

Bob: Alice you hipstercrite, you have an iPhone which is also overpriced and made by child labour.

by Luke B May 29, 2013

hipsterdick

n. When your piss burns because you’ve consumed way too much Sriracha.

“Hey Craig, you might want to lay off the sriracha. You’re going to end up with hipsterdick.”

by H. Bruce Washington September 24, 2019

Replacement hipster

n. An elderly person who, by simply continuing to dress as she or he has since before you were born, unintentionally ends up wearing outfits that would have taken you weeks to put together at your favorite thrift shop (the one that no-one else knows about... yet).

Hipster A: "Hey, did you check out that replacement hipster's pants?"
Hipster B: "Yeah man, I would have given my eyeteeth for those!"

by B. H. Baker December 7, 2006

Hipstertized

Hypnotized by one's own hipsterness.

*Imagines myself stylishly walking around Midtown wearing my grungy grey beanie while sipping on on Starbucks latte, looking hip as hell.*

Wow, I'm most definitely hipstertized right now...

by Ace120492 December 13, 2013

Hipster math

Hipster mathematics, sometimes shortened to "hipster math", is a type of mathematics inherent to the lifestyle of hipsters. Hipster math does not follow the rules of the classical mathematics established by trained mathematicians and taught in schools. In this sense, hipster math is a form of "experimental" or "quantum" mathematics.

For example, it is well understood in classical mathematics that if a bank account contains a finite amount of funds, then the combination of having no fixed income with repeatedly withdrawing money from said bank account to finance lattes, flat whites, tighter and tighter jeans, Tom's shoes, outrageous sunglasses, the latest iPhone, ironic cigarettes, and obscure art magazines will eventually produce a zero or even negative balance. However, even hipsters with absolutely no income whatsoever (i.e. hipsters without even a token job at a video rental shop or as a barista) are able to continually and indefinitely finance such frivolities. Another interesting aspect of hipster math is that whenever you think you have counted all the hipsters in an urban park, there are always at least three or four more lurking about that somehow escaped the count, despite the fact that they are strumming guitars and singing loudly and are clearly visible in vibrant hipster uniforms.

"Dude, I think I have seen the same hipster going into that gentrified greasy spoon every night to chow down on a grilled cheese + lobster sandwich, crinkle-cut sweet potato fries, and an ethically-sourced lingonberry milkshake while listening to The Kooks in his Beats headphones and simultaneously scanning Pitchfork and a Henry James novel. He follows it all up with a latte macchiato and four or five Peruvian-chocolate-topped sheeps' butter biscotti. How is he losing weight instead of gaining it?"

"Don't worry about it, man. It's just hipster math."

by hipster_of_the_month May 7, 2013

Hipster's Cadillac

A fixed gear bicycle with a $2000 Italian frame bought by the accompanying hipster's parents as a Christmas gift, usually plastered with obscure stickers, may have brightly colored, mismatched rims with spoke cards bought off ebay. May have a tube frame pad with an ironic design... (Plaid). Fits snugly on the bike rack mounted to their decal laden, rusted out 1993 Volvo 240.

Yup, that's a Hipster's Cadillac.

by Cluebacca June 27, 2011