The dimwitted husband of the equally dimwitted Padme Amidala. Was possibly even more whinier than his
wife and that was probably the reason why Obi-Wan let him burn slowly and agonizingly at Mustafar. Inside, I bet, Obi-Wan was dancing with viscious glee knowing he had finally got one back at:
1. Qui-Gon Jinn for making him
promise to
train the stupid brat.
2. Anakin himself for putting up with the brat's shit for over a decade.
Obi-Wan could of easily nuked Anakin out of existence but instead he choose the sadistic path of immolation as his ultimate and final revenge on this
sad son-of-a-slave-bitch. Anyway, back to the Galaxy's biggest whinge-
bag. Throughout the new trilogy Anakin alternately whines about his life, his mom, his life, his mom, etc. etc. how it is so unkewl he isn't made an uber-l33t Jedi master by the Council blah blah. Padme being the dimwit she is thinks this is Anakin being deep and soulful, and falls in
love with him and worst still... has sexxors with him and produces spawn. Yeah, well it is PADME. Anyhow, when Anakin isn't bitching his ass off, he spends his
time thinking about how schmexy Padme is and how he desperately would love to hook up with her and make babies. Unfortunately, (perhaps fortunately for him), his pipe
dream comes true and we are all forced to witness the worst
love scenes ever as a result of this.
At this point, even the viewers are frothing with insane rage at this man or really, over-grown teenage boy. Obi-Wan feeling the audience's pain concocts up some bullshit story about Anakin, feeds it to Padme and watches as their
relationship goes downhill so he can finally jump in, slowly and painfully kill the bastard and thus release not only himself but the audience from this horror of a character.
However, despte his lack of intelligence, whinginess and disgusting amounts of Padme fawning, Anakin does happen to possess two tools that
work to his advantage. He, like his
wife, happens to be in possession of extreme good looks and thus most female Star Wars fan being so dazzled by his good looks forget he is a total
dickwad and like Padme disgustingly drool all over him. His second tool is that he turns into Darth Vader. Darth Vader is
badass. Darth Vader is
awesome. Darth Vader said 'NOOOOOOOO!' and suddenly he isn't so scary anymore. Damn you George Lucas! Or we can all convienently forget about that piece of horrible VA and directing, and focus on the rest of Vader's badassery. Even if we aren't half as scared anymore.
