Altoona

a. A small town in West Central Pennsylvania

b. The birthplace of civilization (at which time, it just stopped growing, and remained completely primal as the inhabitants continued to abuse pain medication and drive pick-up trucks to Wal-Mart.)

"Hey, yins! Wanna go walk around Wal-Mart?!"

by The Artist Formerly Known as Elyse September 16, 2005

Altoona

A small town in Western Pennsylvania. Sometimes referred to as "the ghetto Baltimore" or "Mullettown, Arizona." The town is full of rednecks, whiggers, druggies, drunkies, bad food, pregnant teens, terrible drivers, complete dumbasses, and snow. Almost all white people, hardly any black people, Asians, or gingers. The birthplace of Sheetz, the gas station/conveniance store. Most Altoonians live on Sheetz MTO (Made-To-Order) food because it's the most delicious food on the planet. In Altoona, there are more churches than Jerusalem. The Altoona Area School District runs the town's local schools, AAJHS (Altoona Area Junior High School) and AAHS (Altoona Area High School.) Basically, they are run like boot camps and security is up the wall. Altoona is also known for it's trains, the train station being Altoona's main origin. Altoona has many hills, and if you are lazy or physically unfit, you should not attempt to move up here. Also, in the winter, it is very cold (temperatures reaching to the early 20's in the daytime) and has been known to aquire many feet of snow per year, although the schools run by the fatheads at the school district force students to come in anyway. There is nothing for the younger generation (teenagers) to do, rather than go to little kiddie parks like Del Grosso's, go ice skating at Galactic Ice, and go hunting/fishing/etc. Drug, crime, and obesity rates are skyrocketing. Do not move to Altoona, it is a terrible mistake. Trust me, I know.

Girl 1: Hey, you're new, right? Where did you move from?

Girl 2: Baltimore City, Mayland. My family moved up here to Altoona to get away from the city life. We heard it's really cool up here.

Girl 1: AHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHA!!!!

by MyGoodnightInAshes March 14, 2011

Altona

An awesome suburb in Melbourne, by the bay.
The bay/beach is quite nice during summer, but tends to get a bit smelly during wnter, due to the amount of dried up seaweed left on the sand.
It's an awesome place to live, but

A: dude, where are you going tonight?
B: Altona, man. Where else would I want to be?
A: Aight, ma bad

by He's the boxman September 16, 2006

Altoona, KS

Small town in South East Kansas with a population of about 500 people or so. Tourists can look for Harpers Country Store (the only gas station for 10 miles), The Nut Hut (the only restaurant for 10 miles, specialty is mountain oysters), the post office, cemetary, and that is it. The most fun a kid can look for in Altoona, KS is getting drunk. But make sure you get your alcohol from another town, because otherwise you're stuck with Milwaukee's Best.

drunk
Altoona, KS
Milwaukee's Best

by Lil Jus December 28, 2009

alton

a gay person who likes to follow stephen and maddox around because he thinks they are cute

Maddox- "Alton stop following us".
Alton- "But ya'll are super cute and i want to date yall

by 13;ic3vp1;3f;i1 August 15, 2019

Altoona

Small city located in west-central Pennsylvania (about 100 miles due-east of Pittsburgh). Well-known for high unemployment, alcoholism, drug abuse, right-wing closed-minded mullet-heads, guys (and gals) who love huntin' and fishin', etc, etc.. It's a town that has more in common with rural West Virginia than the rest of PA.

Locals have one of the most annoying dialects on the planet (mixture of Pittsburghese and Baltimore-ese)

90% of the population is over age 50 (most young adults who grew up there MOVE AWAY ASAP)!!!

See Pittsburghese, and add the following Altoona-English translations:

Hell-eau: Hello
Pheaune: Phone
Crik: Creek
gowon: going

by aaronwa April 22, 2005

Altoona

Also a city/town in Wisconsin, outside of Eau Claire. Basically, look at the other definition without the translaton need. (eg: drink, hunting, 50% over 50...)

It also seems that there are people in Eau Clarie whp've never heard of it.

Altoona is rather dull, most Altoonas are

by Ty N September 21, 2005