Human Bidet

the human Bidet can be done solo, with two people, and even with a group. a solo human Bidet is when you take a shit and you pee while still sitting down and it rolls down your nut and taint and cleans your bum. the human Bidet with a partner is the same, but one person gets up and the other pisses on their bumhole, this one is much more effective. the group human Bidet is the same but with a bunch of people pissing on the poopers bumhole, this is the most effective variant.

"dear diary, today I shitted and ran out of kittens to wipe with, but thankfully I peed and it was a human Bidet, so it was ok in the end"

"hey playbou carti can you give me some human Bidet"

"precinct 6 get to hemorrhoid street ASAP, there's a guy here who needs some group human Bidet"

by clogmethroatwithshitmrdiddy August 3, 2024

Redneck bidet

When you are in the act and a dog come up from behind and licks your ass

The dog gave me a redneck bidet while I was going down on my girlfriend

by It's average sized August 3, 2024

Ghetto bidet

when your taking a big shit, and it hits the toilet water and then, the water splashes your a-hole. (Just like a kid cannonballing into the pool)

Dude I just gave myself a ghetto bidet

by _cpek December 8, 2017

Appalachian bidet

When you have run out of toilet paper and you call your cousin Cletus or equivalent to come and do you a solid and use his stream of urine to clean your chocolate covered starfish.

“Yeah I ran out of toilet paper and I had to give my cousin a call to come and give me an Appalachian bidet to get clean.”

by Loganjaman August 16, 2023

newton's bidet

when you are taking a shit and the splash caused by the turd cleans your anus.

newton's bidet is when your shit has splashed toilet water on your ass. oh man, newton's bidet came in clutch with the clean up.

by Seth mithch's friend February 22, 2018

American Bidet

The act of shitting in your side-loading washing machine, then using it to clean yourself.

Theres a line for the bathroom, I guess it's time for an American bidet.

by Mjku December 22, 2014

Hillbilly Bidet

Sometimes when you take a crap at home, you realize one of two things; 1: there is no toilet paper to be found and no one to get it for you or 2: your crap was so disgusting that toilet paper will be no match for it at all. A "Hillbilly Bidet" is when you forsake the use of toilet paper altogether, get up off the toilet and proceed straight to the shower to clean yourself off.

Dude, I got such ridiculous food poisoning that I didn't even attempt to wipe...just went straight to the shower for a hillbilly bidet.

by Poop Geyser June 28, 2011