Fuck me Jesus

(1) A really bad turn of events. In addition to the established 'Fuck me' which denotes a bad turn of events, 'Fuck me Jesus' emphasizes a greater deal of anguish and bad luck, some would say on a biblical level. The beginnings of a holy shitfest.

(2) A girl making love to someone named Jesús (Spanish) and can't get over the fact that his name in English is Jesus.

Dude 1: "Hey, are we OK with the math exam? Does someone know we had a copy beforehand?"

Dude 2: "You are fucking kidding me, right?! Didn't you hear they caught us on the security cameras sneaking into the teacher's room."

Dude 1: "Oh! Damn! Fuck me Jesus!"

by maxi215 September 08, 2012

You Need Jesus

When someone in your squad is cutting the fool, or says something perverted as fuck that makes you laugh.

"Lord, that punannie was so tight, I thought she was underage!"

"You know you need Jesus, right?"

by theradicalthinker August 26, 2016

East Jesus Nowhere

An amazing Green Day song off their 2009 album 21st Century Breakdown. This song is about fundamentalist religion. Lead vocalist for Green Day, Billie Joe Armstrong, wrote this song after attending a baptism for a friend's baby. Green Day performed this song on the season 34 finale of Saturday Night Live. Will Ferrell, who hosted, accompanied them on cow bell. This did not air, but can be found on Youtube.

A fire burns today
Of blasphemy and Genocide
The sirens of decay
Will infiltrate the faith fanatics

Some of the lyrics to East Jesus Nowhere

by Ninja-Unicorn June 28, 2011

went heels to Jesus

to wallpaper the closet, to put Percy in the play pan, to lay some pipe, to swing the axe

- The last time I laid some pipe?
- You know, wallpapered the closet, went heels to Jesus?
- You mean make love?
- Nah, just sex!

by Zombieland2009 January 01, 2010

sending it home to jesus

The killing of any small rodent by inserting it into your anus, therefor sending it home to Jesus.

Joffrey got tired of his wife's hampster, so now he's sending it home to Jesus

by jnutt1985 March 27, 2010

Shaving a painted Jesus

An action that is pointless

A: Why are you studying? You know you are going to fail that test.
B: But I have to make an A.
A: You're just shaving a painted Jesus, man.

by Nicole11 January 08, 2009

big baby jesus

later name of wu-tang clan member 'old dirty bastard' (see: wordodb/word).

i heard odb's new name is big baby jesus. that's whack.

by bud newman. February 28, 2003