A humanoid drone with no intentions in life other than to go to prison, steal things from old women, and beat 4 year olds. In this episode of "Exploring Vermin", we dissect the Chav's existance.
1: Morals
A Chav is motivated not by its own brain(whether or not it has one is unknown) but rather the actions of its pack(see 2), with some of its more aggresive actions fuelled by the beatings it was given whenever it made a single noise for the first 5 years of its life. It generally aims to:
-piss off every living thing around it
-make itself look like a complete arse
-chug enough monster and red bull to make an ant be able to cross the world twice in around half an hour
2: Interactions of its kind
Chavs hunt in a small pack of 5-6 males with one or two chavettes, usually for extra dickhead motivation. The group of arseholes will then try to look hard in front of the female(s). The Chav will attack anything nearby, including small children, brick walls and postboxes, usually ending in an ASBO.
3: Sustenance
Chavs will consume anything as long as it is not healthy in any way. Chavettes notably treat vegetables as poison.
4: Friends
-none found-
5: Enemies
-cannot display, number exceeds 99999999.
6: Reproduction
Chavs and chavettes will reproduce once every few weeks, ers, a scientifically proven fact.
7: Intelligence
Ha, that's a good joke.
8: Conclusion
Both the chav and chavette need to become extinct for humanity to remain profitable.
1: Morals
A Chav is motivated not by its own brain(whether or not it has one is unknown) but rather the actions of its pack(see 2), with some of its more aggresive actions fuelled by the beatings it was given whenever it made a single noise for the first 5 years of its life. It generally aims to:
-piss off every living thing around it
-make itself look like a complete arse
-chug enough monster and red bull to make an ant be able to cross the world twice in around half an hour
2: Interactions of its kind
Chavs hunt in a small pack of 5-6 males with one or two chavettes, usually for extra dickhead motivation. The group of arseholes will then try to look hard in front of the female(s). The Chav will attack anything nearby, including small children, brick walls and postboxes, usually ending in an ASBO.
3: Sustenance
Chavs will consume anything as long as it is not healthy in any way. Chavettes notably treat vegetables as poison.
4: Friends
-none found-
5: Enemies
-cannot display, number exceeds 99999999.
6: Reproduction
Chavs and chavettes will reproduce once every few weeks, ers, a scientifically proven fact.
7: Intelligence
Ha, that's a good joke.
8: Conclusion
Both the chav and chavette need to become extinct for humanity to remain profitable.
Louis: yo blad what u bin sayin??
Kev: nothin mate juss bin wiv chantelle
Gazza: aaay fams wot ya doin
Louis: blud, wot u doin yeh?
Gazza: startin fam? STARTIN?
Louis: an whaat blud? i bang you mum
*Gazza walks off, muttering "u succh a chav blud"*
Kev: nothin mate juss bin wiv chantelle
Gazza: aaay fams wot ya doin
Louis: blud, wot u doin yeh?
Gazza: startin fam? STARTIN?
Louis: an whaat blud? i bang you mum
*Gazza walks off, muttering "u succh a chav blud"*
by David Attenbourough September 1, 2012
Get the chav mug.chav = Council housed and violent
appeared on commercial road, Bulwell circa 1988 and spread like a virus.
appeared on commercial road, Bulwell circa 1988 and spread like a virus.
by brizogg July 4, 2011
Get the chav mug.There are a group of boys about 12 - 16 years of age clustered outside the door of a newsagent's. They are all dressed almost identically- some sort of white/blue tracksuit, most likely with some kind of stripe pattern. The trousers are baggy and tucked into their white sports socks, which are pulled up stupidly high. Many of their heads are topped with some kind of baseball cap, and most of their necks are adorned with thick imitation gold/silver chains. Their hair is shaved almost bald at the back and sides, and is gelled neatly forward onto their spotty foreheads in a series of precise spikes. Their eyes are sunken and in their hands they clutch cigarettes and bottles of Stella Artois. Anybody who walks past who does not resemble them exactly will be spat at, challenged, insulted, shoved and generally attacked, and anyone who passes by who looks similar to them will be sworn at and possibly stabbed to death.
They are sometimes seen with girlfriends, who wear their hair in pigtails and plaster their ugly faces with enough make-up to cover the surface of the moon in a layer about two inches thick. They (unflatteringly) wear almost exacltly the same clothes as their boyfriends, except tighter and pulled lower down for the world to see the tops of black lace thongs poking from their flabby white arses. They wear earrings big enough to sit a budgie in.
They are sometimes seen with girlfriends, who wear their hair in pigtails and plaster their ugly faces with enough make-up to cover the surface of the moon in a layer about two inches thick. They (unflatteringly) wear almost exacltly the same clothes as their boyfriends, except tighter and pulled lower down for the world to see the tops of black lace thongs poking from their flabby white arses. They wear earrings big enough to sit a budgie in.
"'ere you, dick'ead, 'ave you got twenny p fo't' bus? You what? you WHAT? Let me check them pockets! Yeah you 'ave, you dick'ead! Well what's that then!? Gi' me that you little cunt, or I'll fuckin' do you in proper bad! Yeah I will, dick'ead. I proper will! Don't start me, you little twat, 'cos I'll proper make somefin of it! 'Ere, Daz, come over ;ere an' 'elp us out!
by Kolplov September 19, 2005
Get the chav mug.An American definition of chav because most of these definitions on here are British:
Symptoms of a chav:
Adidas, Air Jordans or any expensive sneakers
White tees
Jerseys
Chains
Baggy jeans that don't fit
A pissed off look on their face
An ipod
An expensive cell phone
Is most likely white
Probably comes from a middle class family but pretends to be ghetto
Listens to rap
Uses the words: mad, tight, retarded, gay, yo, ayo, and often typ3s Lik3 tHiS.
They hate emos and goths, or anyone they think is emo or goth. They often accuse people of being goth even when they're not.
They hate homosexuals
They're very ignorant and arrogant and can't think for themselves, they always do what they're friends are doing
They often vandalize
They fight all the time
They think they're tougher than they really are and accuse people of "runnin' their mouth"
Basically just really stupid neanderthals.
Symptoms of a chav:
Adidas, Air Jordans or any expensive sneakers
White tees
Jerseys
Chains
Baggy jeans that don't fit
A pissed off look on their face
An ipod
An expensive cell phone
Is most likely white
Probably comes from a middle class family but pretends to be ghetto
Listens to rap
Uses the words: mad, tight, retarded, gay, yo, ayo, and often typ3s Lik3 tHiS.
They hate emos and goths, or anyone they think is emo or goth. They often accuse people of being goth even when they're not.
They hate homosexuals
They're very ignorant and arrogant and can't think for themselves, they always do what they're friends are doing
They often vandalize
They fight all the time
They think they're tougher than they really are and accuse people of "runnin' their mouth"
Basically just really stupid neanderthals.
So you're walking down the street and you see a pissed off looking white boy wearing Nike shorts that sag to his knees or baggy jeans. He's wearing a white tee or a jersey of some kind, with a chain or two. He's wearing 200 dollar Air Jordans or Adidas. When you look at him he says, "What the fuck are you staring at?"
He's a chav.
He's a chav.
by Sarah <333 August 27, 2009
Get the chav mug.*Woman walks by with small child.*
Chav: Yo gash, you best make dat fing your holdin stop staring at me, I might have to box up its face gurl.
Woman: Excuse me do you want to say that again?
Chav: I said... *trails off because a huge man walks up to him, presumably the childs father.*
Man: What are you talking about you dirty chav?
Chav: Nothing- I was, er... *chav pussy runs away.*
Chav: Yo gash, you best make dat fing your holdin stop staring at me, I might have to box up its face gurl.
Woman: Excuse me do you want to say that again?
Chav: I said... *trails off because a huge man walks up to him, presumably the childs father.*
Man: What are you talking about you dirty chav?
Chav: Nothing- I was, er... *chav pussy runs away.*
by [.x.your lil mistake.x.] June 24, 2007
Get the chav mug.by Keese September 21, 2005
Get the chav mug.by Yunne December 23, 2007
Get the chav mug.