pretentious wanker

Someone whose personal self esteem is so low they need to:

a) amplify their importance (or lack thereof) by quoting their education after their names when demanding things they deem to be their right.

b) surround themselves with other persons of like ilk (other pretentious wankers) such as members of the insular academia class (see also just-another wanker)

c) confirm what a cunt they are

Letter received by court clerk regarding mediation:

"I was so insulted by the Mediator when she actually confirmed my ex husbands position and stated he had rights, in contradiction to my own confirmed opinion. (signed) E. ByGoomb Bsc Msc VD(with bar)"

Clerk of the court "Bloody hell. Another letter from the pretentious wanker, E. ByGoomb".

by Chaucer_had_it_coming February 1, 2010

wankerchief

A hankerchief or tissue used to wipe up the semen after having a wank. It can be held over the penis acting like a condom or be used after semen is ejaculated to clean it up off the penis, stomach, floor or any other surfaces it may have splattered onto.

1. Theo keeps his wankerchief inside his top drawer just incase he wants a good wank without making a mess all over the computer screen or his keyboard.
2. Theo's mum found his wankerchief and got cum all over her hand after he had a good session of porn-watching.

by Mike_o_matic October 24, 2006

southern wanker

An opinionated gobshite who posts various derogatory definitions of people from the North of England on the Urban Dictionary website.

"That Paolo Beardini is probably just another southern wanker with a chip on his shoulder"

by Wyrm July 30, 2007

Shakey Wakey

A Jewel in the crown of yorkshire, The city of Wakefield adds a whole new meaning to the phrase: "a typical night out", anything could happen. You could get attacked, have your first homosexual experience or even get together with your own sister/brother. Welcome to Wakefield, the nightlife is... interesting.

typical Saturday workplace conversation...

Person 1: "I'm off out round shakey wakey tonight"
Person 2: "what, through choice?"

by Grubba December 15, 2008

Willy Wanker

That 1 kid ur friends with who wanks all the time. for some fucking reason!

HAYYYYY look its willy wanker boi.

by booblover69420 December 2, 2019

Full Metal Wanker

n. Unskilled player in an online war game, such as Modern Warfare 2, who devotes endless effort to bitching, whining and obscene trash talking, while getting killed over and over.

These players tend to complain that everyone on the other team (or everyone else in a free-for-all) is either a "noob tuber" or "camper." Often guilty of being a team killer, due to anger management issues. Generally leaves the game in a rage quit.

You ****ing noobs; you're all f*gs; I ****ed your mom! (Dies.)

Ha ha. Ladies, this kid is a Full Metal Wanker. (Mutes player.)

by Cranky Neighbor August 5, 2010

Travel Wanker

When someone has travelled overseas and, upon returning, can speak of nothing else.

They are at their worst when in the company of fellow travel wankers. The conversation quickly deteriorates into an excruciating game of oneupmanship.

Karl: well, when I did that Thailand Contiki tour......
Mitch: Seriously Karl, travelling Contiki can't even be considered real travelling. When I went to Laos....

Jimmy: Fuck, Karl and Mitch have become the biggest travel wankers since they got back.

by gonzagas September 30, 2009