television

The early 21st century drug of choice. A shared illusion, making its addicts think they have friends, a life, access to good information, and the critical thinking skills to form valid opinions. Fatal in large doses.

Paul spent the day eating Cheetos and watching Television, then had a light heart attack in the evening.

by Who, me? August 18, 2003

Black Entertainment Television

Also known as Black Exploitation Television. A poor representation of Black people in society; a glorification of big booties, gold teeth, tha projects and crack heads, pimps and hoes, and relentless violence. An utter disgrace, but it sells.

ex. Uncut, Rap City, 106 and Park (shouldn't those kids be in school??)

by Miss Blake May 13, 2005

telephobic

adj. Used to describe an individual who uses a phone for all purposes other than conversation (text, email, etc.).

My friend is so telephobic, she'll text through an entire conversation rather than use a telephone for its intended purpose!

by RS R June 10, 2008

Palin Teleprompter

The palm of your hand. As in, the place to write down the main points you want to hit in a speech or an interview, if you're too dumb to remember them.

Pioneered by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin during her creampuff interview at the Tea Party Convention in Nashville on February 6, 2010.

I knew the interviewer would ask me what my core principles were, but I couldn't remember them because I'm a complete moron, so I wrote them on my Palin Teleprompter and discretely checked them during the interview. I'm sure no one noticed!

by Thrilla_From_Wasilla February 7, 2010

Teletubbies

A TV show for children. But be forwarned because, title misleading, this show is NOT about fat people that can move objects with their minds. Instead of that fantastic idea for a show, the truth is that it's about four dome-dwelling anthropomorphic creatures that look like the unholy offspring of human, monkey, and felt. These horrendous characters bare the names of "Tinky-Winky", "Dipsy", "Laa-Laa", and "Po" (upon investigation, it has been found that Tinky-Winky is in fact homosexual. This was discovered by the fact that he carries a purse and has an upside-down triangle atop an antenna on his head). The show is about the immature adventures they have as a probable after-effect of the various psychedellic drugs they have, no doubt, ingested. They play in a grassy land where it is always spring, whilst narration is spoken in the background. The thing that freaks me out most is the sun. What's so freaky about a sun, you ask? Well for starters, the sun is nothing more than a yellow, projected baby's face. It's true. Need I say more? Probably, so I'll tell you this: if you ever feel the urge to watch this show, see a psychiatrist. If you're a child and you have an urge to watch Teletubbies, go ahead, it might be educational. On the other hand, it WAS created likely by speed addicts. Oh well.

Guy: "Hey, wanna watch Teletubbies?"
Guy2: "No way. That shit's for kids."
Guy: "Oh. Well lets get high and watch Speed Racer!"
Guy2: "Kay"
(Later that night the Teletubbies broke into their house and killed them, and no one cared because everyone knows Teletubbies is the ONLY show to watch while high!)

by Mbleh October 22, 2007

teletubbies

A show rumored to be used as part of the repetoire of various torture methods at terrorist prison camps like "Gitmo" and Abu Ghraib. The hapless victim is tied to a chair while the show continuously plays on loop for a total of 72 hours consecutively with the volume cranked all the way. The subject usually breaks within 16 hours and is induced with severe symdromes of PTSD and dementia.

Teletubbies is an excellent torture method: kid-tested, mother-approved.

by I-cannot-believe-it's-not-butter! December 28, 2005

Telebear

The Telebear is a bear that dwells in web of the UC Berkeley internet system, preying on innocent students that think they have created awesome schedules, lulling them into a false sense of self righteousness and security in terms of their schedule planning. When students log into the Telebears system, the Telebear proceeds to rape the minds of UC Berkeley students by telling them that the classes they want at the times they want are FULL. The Telebear shows no mercy forcing students into signing up for 8 A.M. classes, Friday afternoon classes, and classes they don’t give two shits about. He is one fucked up son-of-a-bitch.

*Cal student logs into Telebears for Telebears appointment*

"Hell yea!!, Just made my awesome schedule on Course Rank/Ninja Courses, no 8AM classes and I can go home on Fridays!! Time to sign up for them on Telebears!!"

*proceeds to enter Course Control Numbers to register*

*Looks at computer screen, scanning intently for the sections he/she wants*

"WHAT!?!??!?! NOOOO!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??!?!!?"

*the class that student wanted is full*

"FUCK"

*proceeds to CourseRank/Ninja Course classes*

*same result when CCN's are entered into Telebears, time after time*

*20 minutes later*

"GODDAMNIT!!! WORK, TELEBEARS. WORK YOU COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT"

*ends up disappointed at schedule, but relieved to at least get some classes*

to roommate "aye nigga, i just got raped by the Telebear"
roommate: "its iight man, i got raped by the Telebear last night"

by brytontiga November 3, 2010