Bearded Axe Wound

Another name for a vagina

"I took her home and shaved around her bearded axe wound."

by Sadistic1jj August 22, 2009

Bernadette-Bernhard scale

The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.

Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?

President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.

Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.

President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.

Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.

by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014

bearded sloss

The common definition for an extremely hairy pussy, especially one on a hairier than average girl. However undesirable that may sound, appears very attractive to hispanic males, redneck females and some real men from the Caribbean.

"Hairy" may be substituted for "bearded" to provide for variations in vocabulary.

May be found at the pussy mall

"Dude, my nine got tangled in that bearded sloss."
"Fuuuck I wanna stick my jamaican salami in that hairy slossss"

by Penis and Twat-man October 18, 2005

bearded oysters

1. One of the many synomns for a female's vagina.
2. Pussy with hair around it.

Lick MAH bearded oyster!

by LRS April 2, 2004

Bernadette

a lady who is dopefresh to the maaaaaxx and suuuuuuper friendly!
& mosdef down for anything .

Bernadette is dope .

by gdftfhjhijuy January 12, 2008

Bearded-oyster

Furry female anatomy with a slight aroma of sea food (also known as poon)

I can't wait to slurp on a bearded-oyster when I get back to port, arr-matey!

by Buht Sechs November 2, 2003

Gill St. Bernard's

Okay, so everyone is saying we are preppy girls and dudes who live off of Daddy's money. But some of us actually work hard to get the good grades to get into that school!

Okay, so some of us have been there since PRE-K and are so stupid they don't deserve to be there. There are so many other kids who would love to get in!
Gil St. Bernard's is a school for the people who are smart enough to be able to get in. It has about 72 acres and many resources. Stop hatin on us!!

Gill St. Bernard's School has some pretty smart students.

by peopleperson101 January 2, 2012