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Calamari Kiss

When a cat presents its butthole to you, or presses (kisses) it on your leg, as a form of reverence, formal inter species greeting, or to marks its human territory.
A kiss is just a kiss, but a calamari kiss means your family. *Howdoin!*”
by Jean_Creme March 16, 2025
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Calamity In Your Dancing Pants

To have one's mind blown. Question everything you know to be true.
"After hearing that Oxford University is older than the Aztec Empire, you had a calamity in your dancing pants."
by Sparky1992 May 9, 2025
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CalamityMan

A surreal figure who appears precisely when things go wrong, not to help, but to narrate the chaos with theatrical flair with a suspiciously wet sandwich in his pocket.

The CalamityMan doesn’t solve problems. He magnifies them. He arrives uninvited, wearing a trench coat made of expired insurance policies, and speaks only in riddles, screams, and outdated Latin proverbs.

He gives the illusion of action, like pointing at things, whispering to walls, licking envelopes ...but ultimately contributes nothing except confusion and a faint smell of licorice.
Everything was fine until the printer exploded and the CalamityMan showed up with a kazoo and a bucket of mayonnaise.”
“We thought the Wi-Fi was down, but it was just slow. Still, the CalamityMan came and performed a silent interpretive dance in the hallway.”
by Zeverkieken September 16, 2025
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Calamity Infernum Mode

Deranged Masochist: "Hey bro im gonna go play Calamity Infernum Mode"
Sane Person: "Im sorry."
by Bob Da Snail December 9, 2025
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The Calamari

When you and your partner press asshole to asshole and both push at the same time so they suction cup together.
Last night in the bath me and my lady did the calamari and she ripped out some of my butthole hair
by Cliffypoo June 21, 2017
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Urban Calamari

Used condoms one finds in parking lots and back alleys.
The used condoms in the puddle behind my favorite strip club looks like urban calamari with an opaque creamy filling.
by Urban Calamari December 21, 2019
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One calamari away from losing it

When you're having such a terrible time that you are one inconvenience away from losing your shit. When you expect onion rings and find out its calamari.
After the shit day I've had I am one calamari away from losing it.
by anonymous October 13, 2020
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