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I couldn't care less

The classier (and cleaner) way to say "I don't give a fuck", "I don't give a shit", "I don't give a crap", "I don't give a damn", etc.

(Do NOT confuse it with I could care less. If you *could* care less, it means that you can reduce the amount of fucks you give!)
"The Dvorak Keyboard lets you type comfortably because the keys are positioned so that the fingers can-"
"I couldn't care less."
by cutesy pastel living doll November 6, 2013
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couldn't find his ass with two hands

Someone who does not have a clue about what is going on around them. A person that has to have jokes explained to them. Even worse, someone that acts as if they don't understand something even when they understand perfectly.
That jerkoff Devlin couldn't find his ass with two hands .
by dempsey4mk July 10, 2006
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couldn't find his dick in the dark

Someone who is oblivious, has declining mental facilities, or is simply stupid and cannot recognize obvious things or cannot take on simple tasks.
It's no surprise he gave that gold digger his ATM pin number--he's so dumb he couldn't find his dick in the dark.
by Marcoda December 9, 2011
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couldn't catch shit in a diaper

1. An athlete who simply cannot catch the ball

2. A fisherman who has suffered through a rough day on the seas with nothing to show for his effort.

3. A guy who has absolutely no chance of succeeding in landing a girl when he hits the club at night.
1. Dwayne tracked the ball well enough, but since he couldn't catch shit in a diaper, he dropped the ball.

2. James couldn't catch shit in a diaper, and now his family has nothing to eat tonight.

3. Pat weighs in at about 350 pounds, so he couldn't catch shit in a diaper at the 9:30 Club.
by Joe Sam December 15, 2015
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I couldn't care less

A phrase that emphasises the lack of care for something or someone. Often mistaken as 'I could care less'.
David: Quick Bert! Muffles the kitten ate some mothballs, and now it's foaming out it's mouth; WE NEED TO GOTO A VET!

Bert: I couldn't care less about your God-Damned Cat right now.
by SeanJohn August 3, 2006
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couldn't care less

Other: "Oh my gosh, did you hear about Jennie and her..."
Me: "Oh my gosh, did you hear abut the time that I couldn't care less?"
Other: "No"
Me: "Oh, well it's now :)"
by Don't give a fuck December 15, 2016
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couldn't drive a greasy stick up a pigs ass

Referring to someones inability to do something.

Most commonly used to portray someones shit driving ability.
Dude 1: "Let me drive"
Dude 2: "You couldn't drive a greasy stick up a pigs ass"
by vkwagz June 14, 2017
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