Calculator

My brain, my every ounce of being human

Guy 1: Have you seen my brain?

Guy 2: what? you lost your brain?

Guy 1: yeah, it is green and had buttons on it, oh yeah it say "Texas Instruments" on the front.

Guy 2: dude, that's a calculator

Guy 1: I DON'T CARE JUST FIND IT

by Who The Douce Are You? April 12, 2005

calculator monkey

Stereotypically, any Asian that is amazing at any math and/or math concepts and that can compute all of these concepts without the use of the calculator. These are typically the Asians that succeed in any classes having to do with math or science with little to no work being done as it just comes naturally to them based on their genetics in these subjects. Also, you use them to help you receive good grades in classes and help them by making friends they wouldn't normally have.

Person 1: "Hey man, did you get the answer to #5, the algebraic equation?"
Person 2: "Yea, Min got the answer for me in like 10 seconds. That kid is a calculator monkey if I've ever seen one before."
Person 1: "He definitely is!"

by Paceyourself February 7, 2014

Young Calculator

The highest status that a human can earn. A young calculator is highly respected anywhere they go.

That khed is an absolute young calculator

by HitYourShots April 18, 2018

I need a calculator

An office phrase roughly translated to "I need a bailout or rescue." Something awful is happening to the person who has given you this message, and it's your responsibility to bail them out. Situations in which this phrase is appropriate:

- An office camper has left the original intended topic for some light-hearted small talk about his child you hate
- An office camper with horrid breath has pinned you
- You're in a meeting that's so boring you will have to snort coke off a stripper's chesticles to balance your life back in the right direction

The message generally arrives in the form of text or instant message. When the situation is dire, email may be used. The appropriate response is generally to come up with technical nonsense to ask this person then either call or visit to bail them out.

Office Camper: "Enough about linux, did you know my child is an honor's student? She's taking all AP classes in the Spring. God we're so proud of her ... "
Jim (Victim) text messages Vince (Savior) "I need a calculator" to avoid nosy eyes understanding this dire message.
Office Camper: "She even taught some of the other children in the class how to use it! Can you believe that? Even the teacher was impressed"
Savior: "Hey Jim! Listen I need some help with linux..."
Office Camper: "Oh well I can see you're busy"

by Fatty Tatterson September 10, 2009

Calculator

Straight up Jonathan Cooper

You really got a 36 on your ACT? You're such a fucking calculator

by theurbanpoet69 April 25, 2020

Crush Calculator

You're having a laugh if you think I'm putting my mobile number into that, mate.

Laughing, I proceeded to fill in the Crush Calculator until asked for my mobile phone number. Panicked, I rushed headlong to my Cookies folder and deleted the contents therein forthwith.

by Pingoir January 2, 2009

calculated punctuation

The use of various punctuation marks in an attempt to make a statement made via instant message seem more stern or serious. Often used by women when holding conversations online to make one feel ashamed and/or guilty.

The following is a typical use of calculated Punctuation:
Angrychick08: I'm very upset with you, Steven.
Angrychick08: Have you anything to say for Yourself?
GuiltySteven: im sooo sorry il never say another girls name without your permission ever again
Angrychick08: Good boy.

by Cory A. M. April 14, 2008