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The masturbating ninja technique

When a gentlemen decides to enter the masturbatory stage of his day, he may decide to deploy the homo sapien style (standing up) only to realize his t-shirt drops down into penile range. To avoid ejaculate or any lubratory means being transferred onto ones personnel, the ninja technique is engaged by whipping the front flap of the t-shirt over the head to create a warm, stylish, and protective measure against the army of unbelievable stickiness.
Policeman 1: "We found this fine young lad frozen to death here in the arctic tundra'.
Policeman 2: "It looks like he's been out here for weeks and missed the warm soothing touch of a woman, and decided to literally take matters into his own hands".
Policeman 1: "Correctomundo. If only he had a mentor to teach him the ways of the masturbating ninja technique, he might have pulled through".
Policeman 2: "Hey! Yeah that's true. If only he kept his shirt flipped over his head with his shoulders covered instead of taking it completely off, he'd still be here today".
Policeman 1: "Poor, poor, uninformed bastard".
by dirk digglett March 31, 2015
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caught masturbating

Being made to feel shame and humiliation for something that every one else does.
Jill was caught masturbating in her dorm room, and her friends will never let her forget about it.
by Jill VanDeLay September 30, 2003
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Masturbating

Something we all do but are too afraid to admit it. If you think that I'm lying when saying we all do it, then take a look at the stats: 40 million Americans consider themselves regular visitors to porn sites.
"I just masturbated," said Creepy Clyde.
OR
"I love masturbating," explained someone.
by Where the frogs February 26, 2017
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violently masturbating

Niall Horan from One Direction was caught violently masturbating in Tokyo.
"Of all the boy band members I can't believe Niall was the one caught violently masturbating."
by 1directionfellow January 23, 2013
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Masturbating Monkey

Gay monkey that sits in the zoo cage, shows you its dick and then jacks of to your kidz standin at the window staring at them.
Q: Mummy, what's that monkey doing?
A: Never mind. Now Tonianne get away from that window and lets go to the lion cage now.
by Sarah April 1, 2004
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Masturbating

Self-gratification. The act of "playing" with your genitals, for sexual excitement/pleasure; usually to orgasm.

Can also be accompanied by watching/reading/listening to arousing material e.g Porn, films, novels...

No matter what your gender/age/race, people masturbate. Some people do it everyday and more, some people do it when they don't have a sexual partner (these people are in the minority).

Female: Either stroking/rubbing, caressing (vigorously or not) the clitoris, or using long, phallic like objects to insert inside the vagina, and rubbing it back and forth.

Male: Stroking, rubbing, caressing, apparently also 'slapping' the erect penis.
I started masturbating since when 12 (yeah, I'm sure you wanted to know that) since then I have masturbated at least once a day, I am female.
by Na May 6, 2004
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Masturbating

When somebody pleasures themself by touching their gentital area
Jodie was really really horny, so she went online to search for some naked men.. The internet was down.
'SHIT!' She screamed.
Luckily her parents were out, so she walked upstairs and put on a skimpy bra and thong. She stood infront of her long mirror and started feeling her boobs, she thought this looked really sexy so she riped her bra off and started jiggling her boobs around whilst rubbing them vigourously.

Then she started feeling up and down her panties, she felt her pussy hotting up, so she ripped off her pants and threw her legs open, in the mirror she could see her dripping wet pussy, which made her scream in delight! She wanted to pleasure it SO much that she imagined channing tatum rubbing his dick allover her pussy, so she began to vigourously rub it up and down, cum stuck to her fingers and she gasped and moaned at the sight of her own hand touching her pussy, she imagined him thrusting his dick into her and she dug her middle finger deep down into her g-spot, she moaned she screamed she gasped, she was in love with herself. So she masturbated herself, damn she loved masturbating
by Dannybloomshield August 20, 2013
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