Nickname for King Edward I 1272-1307(note England only)
Or as he preferred to be called 'The Hammer of the Scots'.Persecuted The Jewsand forced them to wear a yellow star to identify themselves(sounds familiar?He ordered the execution of Hundreds of Jews and finally ordered to have them expelled(over 600 years before hitler)
Conquered Wales in 1284, Then turned his attention to Scotland interfering in royal matters that had nothing to do with him. Helped appoint a Puppet King ,John Balliol in Scotland ,A Yes man ,he could control, in his efforts to conquer the Northern Kingdom.
He installed English garrisons in Scottish Castles and Forced The Scottish King to Swear Loyalty to him .A Brutal man who crushed any one who dared oppose him,after stealing the Scots ancient Coronation stone The Stone Of Destinyand had it placed under his own Throne in Westminster, he thought he had conquered his Northern Neighbour,Of Course he was Wrong!
Enter William Wallace Who totally Fucked up Longshanks Plans north of the Border,of course he was later betrayed and delivered to Edward and executed in 1305. Longshanks thought at last he had subdued the Scots when up sprang Robert The Bruce.The Bruce was Crowned King of Scots In open Defiance in 1307. The same year Longshanks died on the Scottish Border whilst en-route to ''crush''his opposer.He was Buried in Westminster Abbey in a lead Casket only to be transferred to a Regal Gold casket only when Scotland was Truly conquered and part of the Kingdom of England .Succeded by his son Edward II,Later to be thoroughly defeated by the Scots in 1314 at the battle of Bannockburn.
Or as he preferred to be called 'The Hammer of the Scots'.Persecuted The Jewsand forced them to wear a yellow star to identify themselves(sounds familiar?He ordered the execution of Hundreds of Jews and finally ordered to have them expelled(over 600 years before hitler)
Conquered Wales in 1284, Then turned his attention to Scotland interfering in royal matters that had nothing to do with him. Helped appoint a Puppet King ,John Balliol in Scotland ,A Yes man ,he could control, in his efforts to conquer the Northern Kingdom.
He installed English garrisons in Scottish Castles and Forced The Scottish King to Swear Loyalty to him .A Brutal man who crushed any one who dared oppose him,after stealing the Scots ancient Coronation stone The Stone Of Destinyand had it placed under his own Throne in Westminster, he thought he had conquered his Northern Neighbour,Of Course he was Wrong!
Enter William Wallace Who totally Fucked up Longshanks Plans north of the Border,of course he was later betrayed and delivered to Edward and executed in 1305. Longshanks thought at last he had subdued the Scots when up sprang Robert The Bruce.The Bruce was Crowned King of Scots In open Defiance in 1307. The same year Longshanks died on the Scottish Border whilst en-route to ''crush''his opposer.He was Buried in Westminster Abbey in a lead Casket only to be transferred to a Regal Gold casket only when Scotland was Truly conquered and part of the Kingdom of England .Succeded by his son Edward II,Later to be thoroughly defeated by the Scots in 1314 at the battle of Bannockburn.
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Edward I (17 June 1239 – 7 July 1307), popularly known as Longshanks, thanks to Mel Gibson's "Braveheart". Longshanks achieved historical fame as the whitest brit to conquer the shit out of parts of Wales and almost succeeded in fucking everyone over in Scotland. But when that prick finally kicked the bucket his queer son Edward II took the throne and just took it right in the ass and failed to do anything to those lovable Scots. Longshanks reigned for a long ass time because he was an evil bastard and everyone knows those fucks live forever.
Edward Longshanks probably wanted to bang that French princess that his son didn't like because she didn't have a penis.
Even though you're the prince of darkness you're still no Longshanks.
Even though you're the prince of darkness you're still no Longshanks.
by Cpt. JLP of the USSE October 16, 2008
Get the Edward Longshanks mug.1. n. One who is intensely strong.
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2. n. A long penis.
3. n. A baseball player who has incredible hitting.
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