A kinky sexual ritual where one specimen shits into a container of melted ice cream. Wait 10 minutes until mixing the juices. While mixing and laxatives. Then use the cream as shaving cream.
by CacAflac January 19, 2018
Get the Faeces Facial mug.The art and science of defecating on another's doorstep on Christmas Day. Several sources credit the first use of the word to the urban legend Leeds Dr Rudeboy.
Effective management of such an undertaking involves a four-fold course of action, namely;
1. Visiting the local drinking establishment, followed by local nightclub, on Christmas Eve and early hours of Christmas Day. At some point during the evening, it would be rude to not visit Wetherspoons. Consumption of copious amounts of alcohol then proceeds throughout the evening.
2. Reconnaissance of a likely target whilst walking home, namely, houses in locations where the local cuntstabulary are unlikely to be driving past.
3. The said act of elimination onto the doorstep. Should the perpetrator be a Scouser*, then breaking and entering is, of course, the next natural course of action for the erstwhile Liverpudlian.
4. Wiping one rusty ringpiece with the fresh snow. Caution is advised for those presenting with haemorrhoids.
*The erstwhile Scouser may wish to declare any profits from the said breaking and entering on the next occasion he/she signs on within the following fortnight at the local Jobcentre Plus.
Effective management of such an undertaking involves a four-fold course of action, namely;
1. Visiting the local drinking establishment, followed by local nightclub, on Christmas Eve and early hours of Christmas Day. At some point during the evening, it would be rude to not visit Wetherspoons. Consumption of copious amounts of alcohol then proceeds throughout the evening.
2. Reconnaissance of a likely target whilst walking home, namely, houses in locations where the local cuntstabulary are unlikely to be driving past.
3. The said act of elimination onto the doorstep. Should the perpetrator be a Scouser*, then breaking and entering is, of course, the next natural course of action for the erstwhile Liverpudlian.
4. Wiping one rusty ringpiece with the fresh snow. Caution is advised for those presenting with haemorrhoids.
*The erstwhile Scouser may wish to declare any profits from the said breaking and entering on the next occasion he/she signs on within the following fortnight at the local Jobcentre Plus.
1st person: Well, that fine selection of of Cliff Richard records certainly has put me in the mood for the Queen's Speech tomorrow! Shall we retire early and let St Nicholas pay his visit?
Rudeboy: What whoa! Ya dumbclaat! I and I is gonna do a festive faeces on dem doorsteps!
Rudeboy: What whoa! Ya dumbclaat! I and I is gonna do a festive faeces on dem doorsteps!
by Leeds Dr Rudeboy December 3, 2010
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When you have a methane experience that is so moist you are actually convinced some faeces came with it
tom: think i might have just shat myself, i need to go clean myself up
dave: nah dont bother, probably just a phantom faeces
dave: nah dont bother, probably just a phantom faeces
by flangeface March 27, 2011
Get the Phantom Faeces mug.when the methane emitted does actually contain feaces molecules, this may result in the unconciousness of people in your imediate vicinty
by flangeface March 27, 2011
Get the Not-so-phantom faeces mug.by Tony toe sucker January 9, 2020
Get the toe faeces mug.In Texas Hold'em, the opposite of pocket aces. It can be a combination of any shit cards that the player should fold immediately without question.
These include 2-6, 2-7, 2-8, 3-7, 3-8 and a few more. You get the point.
These include 2-6, 2-7, 2-8, 3-7, 3-8 and a few more. You get the point.
Johnny: What were your hole cards last hand?
Jim: These cards suck. I had a 3-9. I never bluff with pocket feces.
Jim: These cards suck. I had a 3-9. I never bluff with pocket feces.
by sciflyer.25 May 6, 2014
Get the pocket feces mug.Faecesbook serves many useful functions:
1) it allows people you don't give a rats ass about and wouldn't speak to if you passed them in the street the chance to bore you with every banal detail or their uneventful lives because both you and they have joined in some global "friends" arms races based on numbers of people you've clicked a link for but don't really know or care about
2) it allows you to make even more of a fool of yourself by posting updates and photos of all the oh so clever and funny stuff you did while blind drunk. The kind of thing you'd rather your parents/boss/colleagues/beloved aunt never knew about - except now they will, and probably before you've even came round, because you've "friended" them all on Faecesbook
3) it allows you to look really pathetic by updating your status to "in a relationship with someone I've actually spoke to in real life" after last night's drunken one-nighter only for them to publicly dump you before breakfast.
4) it allows Faecesbook to micro-examine the details of your life and sell all that information on to anyone willing to pay for it. Do you really like being marketed to? Tell Faecesbook what you had for breakfast!
5) it allows some frazzle haired dork who couldn't get laid at Harvard the chance to become a billionaire - and all off the information you so willingly hand over to his sprawling faeces-pumping empire.
1) it allows people you don't give a rats ass about and wouldn't speak to if you passed them in the street the chance to bore you with every banal detail or their uneventful lives because both you and they have joined in some global "friends" arms races based on numbers of people you've clicked a link for but don't really know or care about
2) it allows you to make even more of a fool of yourself by posting updates and photos of all the oh so clever and funny stuff you did while blind drunk. The kind of thing you'd rather your parents/boss/colleagues/beloved aunt never knew about - except now they will, and probably before you've even came round, because you've "friended" them all on Faecesbook
3) it allows you to look really pathetic by updating your status to "in a relationship with someone I've actually spoke to in real life" after last night's drunken one-nighter only for them to publicly dump you before breakfast.
4) it allows Faecesbook to micro-examine the details of your life and sell all that information on to anyone willing to pay for it. Do you really like being marketed to? Tell Faecesbook what you had for breakfast!
5) it allows some frazzle haired dork who couldn't get laid at Harvard the chance to become a billionaire - and all off the information you so willingly hand over to his sprawling faeces-pumping empire.
Add me to the list of people you barely know on Faecesbook
Find me on Faecesbook
Add shit to my Faecesbook wall
Find me on Faecesbook
Add shit to my Faecesbook wall
by go-faecesbook-yourself November 6, 2011
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